A Conversation for Sweet Home Chicago: Electric Blues
Writing Workshop: A1112905 - Sweet Home Chicago: Electrifying the Blues
Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like Started conversation Jul 17, 2003
Entry: Sweet Home Chicago: Electrifying the Blues - A1112905
Author: Blues Shark - But I did what I did before love came to town - U154264
Part 4 in the blues project.
Rather long I think, but it can be split in two quite easily.
A1112905 - Sweet Home Chicago: Electrifying the Blues
Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences Posted Aug 6, 2003
As requested 
"In 1943, Waters’ dissatisfaction boiled over. Fuelled by a combination of a failure to gain a pay rise in his job as a tractor driver, and the realization that his friend Robert Nighthawk was making a living as a musician in Chicago, Muddy packed hi s"
Should be 'realisation'- the z is an Americanism, and there's a stray space in 'his'.
"In fact, it was not until 1948 that Muddy’s luck changed. Called in for a session by Leonard Chess of Aristocrat records, Muddy by now playing with the aid of an amplifier because of the greater volume needed for urban juke joints plugged in and played the song he had first recorded for Alan Lomax seven years earlier."
That's a bit confusing to read, it took me a couple of readings to work it out- can I suggest putting now playing with the aid of an amplifier because of the greater volume needed for urban juke joints in brackets, and change it to 'plugged in his guitar'
So it reads:
"In fact, it was not until 1948 that Muddy’s luck changed. Called in for a session by Leonard Chess of Aristocrat records, Muddy (by now playing with the aid of an amplifier because of the greater volume needed for urban juke joints) plugged in his guitar and played the song he had first recorded for Alan Lomax seven years earlier."
"Waters wasn’t the first man to use an electric guitar – T Bone Walker, a Texas showman settled in California is generally credited with being the first man to play the blues on an electric guitar. But he was the first to use the amplifier to exaggerate the rawness and the power of the music that he played"
YOu mean Waters as the 'he', but that's not 100% clear- how about:
"Waters wasn’t the first man to use an electric guitar – T Bone Walker, a Texas showman settled in California is generally credited with being the first man to play the blues on an electric guitar. Waters was, however, the first to use the amplifier to exaggerate the rawness and the power of the music that he played"
That gets rid of starting a sentence with a preposition, too
"At 6’ 3”, and weighing 250 lbs with size 16 feet),"
Random bracket....
"Hooker’s great idol, T-Bone walker, who"
Missing Capital W, and 'great icon' sounds off- 'greatest icon'?
A1112905 - Sweet Home Chicago: Electrifying the Blues
Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like Posted Aug 6, 2003
Thank you for that.
It doesn't actually say 'great icon' (which I agree would be as rough as a bag of nails), it says 'great idol', which i think sounds fine. Comments?
A1112905 - Sweet Home Chicago: Electrifying the Blues
Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences Posted Aug 6, 2003
Oops, obviously wasn't concentrating hard enough, blame the heat. 'great idol' sounds fine.
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Writing Workshop: A1112905 - Sweet Home Chicago: Electrifying the Blues
- 1: Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like (Jul 17, 2003)
- 2: Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences (Aug 6, 2003)
- 3: Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like (Aug 6, 2003)
- 4: Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences (Aug 6, 2003)
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