The Story So Far

Nondescript Englishman Terry Horowitz was surprised to find
himself hurtling through the ground. He eventually found himself in a waiting room for those hoping to qualify (by rather eccentric means) to hear a very unusual story - the 168th greatest story of all time, according to the accepted ranking system.

The story was owned by the mysterious alien Scavengers, whose clutches Terry managed to escape when a fruitless quest for the toilet led him into a pub. Here he hooked up with members of the criminal Callack Organisation. The leader of this organisation is named Emily Horowitz, and seems to know Terry even though she is a stranger to him.

Forced to flee by an attack of the alien Blieg, Terry and his new companions have ended up in a forest in 7th century Britain. But now a robed stranger has warned Terry that his enemies are once more closing in...

Part Sixteen

'Hey Aelric?'

'Yeah, Erthgi?' Aelric didn't bother to look at Erthgi as they walked along the country road towards their village.

'I was just thinking,' said Erthgi, 'wouldn't it have been great to have been living in the times of the Romans?'

'Why's that, then?'

'Well just imagine, two peasants like us could go and join the army, and one day we would be able to work our way up to riches and glory. I
mean, I could have been Caesar.'

'Yeah that would have been great. But you'd never have made it.'

'Why not?' asked Erthgi, clearly almost insulted.

'I mean you have to be this great warrior don't you? How could you be a great warrior? Remember last year when those people invaded?'

'Which ones were those?'

'Blond fellows, funny accents. I think it could have been the Goths, but I might be wrong. I've lost track of the amount of people who have
invaded us recently. Anyway, the whole of our village was conscripted, and fair play to you, you showed up. But as soon as they started charging you were running back over that hill faster than lovely
young Lizzy when old buck-toothed Awldred told her he wanted to be her husband.'

'Yeah she did move pretty fast that day, I couldn't get over the look on her face... eh hang on, I didn't see you exactly standing still
waiting to fight them.'

'Well I couldn't could I? I mean everyone else had started to run by then.'

'What ever happened those guys anyway?'

'Who the invaders? I think they're ruling us now. Although, there was that other invasion last week. I'm not sure how that one turned out. I suppose we'll have to learn another language soon,' sighed Aelric

'That was another good thing about the Romans, you only had to speak Latin and that was it.'

'Speak for yourself, I'm always getting my subjunctives mixed up with my past participle. When did you become so obsessed about
the Romans, anyway?' said Aelric.

'Well I'm not exactly obsessed. Its just that our family used to be high rollers when the Romans were running the show.'

'Now how do you know that? That was hundreds of years ago.'

'Well my grandad found a Roman breastplate near where he reckoned our family would have lived. He used to go around wearing it just to show it off. I remember him being buried in it.'

'And you think that makes you connected to the Romans somehow?' said Aelric shaking his head.

'Okay, I'd like to see you do better.'

'Well as it happens I can. I was speaking to a monk the other day.'

'Which monk?' enquired Erthgi.

'I can't remember. It's not important. Well anyway, he was telling me he was fairly sure that I was related to Adam.'

'Adam who?'

'The Adam. As in Adam and Eve.'

'Oh right. Did he say anything else.'

'Well he did say... ALMIGHTY GOD!'

'Well I guess he would say something like that, he is a monk. But that doesn't really...'

'Look, shut up will you!' said Aelric. 'Look at that!'

As Aelric walked around the corner of the dark forest road, he had come across the group of lit-up ships preparing to capture Terry Horowitz and the members of the Callack organisation. He now pointed
in their direction to Erthgi, whose horror was growing by the moment.

'oh... erm... good God,' stuttered Erthgi.

'Its got to be... Oh I don't know what it is. Have you ever seen anything like that, Erthgi?'

'No. Who are those people?'

'Get down!' said Aelric, grabbing Erthgi before he walked into them. 'You don't want them to know we're here. They could be evil
spirits or anything. I mean have you ever seen anything that big made out of metal?'

'How do you know it's metal?' asked Erthgi, a pragmatic individual.

'Well its kind of like sword colour isn't it? Well the big one over there is anyway. Some of those other ones could be anything.'

'Could these be the new invaders, Aelric?'

'Maybe... look what is that one over there doing. Its breathing fire out of the back of it!'

'Oh holy Mary mother God!', Erthgi dropped to his knees and started praying.

Aelric just stood there stunned. 'This is hell isn't it? Save us Lord.' Aelric thought for a second. 'Come on we don't want to stay
here. We've got to warn everyone!'

He dragged Erthgi off his feet and started running. And ran straight in to Terry Horowitz.

'Oooff,' gasped Terry as he fell back. Aelric put his knife to Terry's throat.

'Who are you?' asked Aelric.

Terry just sat there and looked up at them, not comprehending a word they were saying. 'Please' he begged, 'I need to get away.'

Neither Aelric or Erthgi could comprehend a word Terry said.

'He must be an invader. Another new language to learn!' complained Erthgi.

'Maybe.' said Aelric dragging Terry up and grabbing him by the arm, then holding his knife to Terry's neck.

'What if we've caught their leader?' said Erthgi enthusiastically.

'Please let me go. Look they'll catch me otherwise!' continued Terry.

Erthgi and Aelric looked blankly at each other.

Suddenly a dark shadow appeared over Terry, Aelric and Erthgi.

'We're too late. Its Judgement Day!' wailed Erthgi.

Suddenly they all disappeared. The next thing they remembered they were aboard a space ship.

The 168th Greatest Story in the Universe - A Tribute (Archive)

Vercingetorix

03.07.03 Front Page

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