The Ballad of Pontillia Perlmutter, continued

She was a difficult child,

until you gave her coin.

She took and saved it all,

until she was her parent's roin!

They had to take out a loan,

from her at 18%,

just to keep the lights on,

and pay the rent!



Por wheedle, por wheedle,
weedle weedle woo!
You've got nothing,
You've got nothing,
Nothing better to do!



At the age of two,

and almost a quarter,

she was convicted of usury,

and transported!

They wrapped her up,

And put her on a ship.

The Captain tied her to the anchor

before they left the slip!


Por wheedle, por wheedle,
weedle weedle woo!
You've got nothing,
You've got nothing,
Nothing better to do!


She gained five stone

the first week out,

and then she gained ten,

by what she ate at the bow.

She strained brill,

and then plankton,

finally catching marlin

with a bent diaper pin!


Por wheedle, por wheedle,
weedle weedle woo!
You've got nothing,
You've got nothing,
Nothing better to do!


The sea roughened her skin,

the sun bleacher her hair,

the fish whitened her teeth,

and she grew strong in the air!

Just before they reached port,

she pulled them abort,

and swam back to sea,

'cause she had to Pee!


Por wheedle, por wheedle,
weedle weedle woo!
You've got nothing,
You've got nothing,
Nothing better to do!


With a bit of cajoling,

and a plea from the ship's cook,

she not only pulled into port,

but she lent them her hook!

She was in all the papers,

on the radio and TV, you bet,

they offered her film,

But she wanted to direct!


Por wheedle, por wheedle,
weedle weedle woo!
You've got nothing,
You've got nothing,
Nothing better to do!