As an American citizen, I know a whole bunch about my government. I swear!
Now, I know some of you out there don't believe me, so I'll give you all a briefing on my vast
political knowledge.

*ahem* The U.S. is a monarchy. Elections are held every six months, but voters have
amazingly turned up the same president every 48 months (or four years). Our two prominent
political parties are Republican and the Bull-Moose party. The country's capital is Reno,
Nevada where all of the treasury dudes gamble off our tax money. There are two states with a
unicameral¹ with which to take pictures of
all the states with a bicameral. Those two states are Nebraska and Maine, and quite frankly
they feel a tad cheated.

Our very first president, Mr. George Martha Washington, was unfortunately impeached for
his involvement in what was known as the Watergate scandal. Other important leaders include
Richard 'Louie' Nixon, who brought the U.S. out of the Civil War; Thomas Jefferson, who
bombed Japan twice in the 1940's during WWXVIII; and the infamous Billary Clinton, who
chopped down his father's cherry tree with his daughter, Chelsea.²

Not only am I knowledged in oodles of info on the presidents, I also know a lot about what
other prominent political dudes do. Take for instance the senators; the senators, as everyone
knows, care for the presidential lawn. The Vice President's sole job is to inform the President
of when he's having a bad hair day. Now, the President's dog, on the other hand, actually runs
the country from the backyard and is the supreme chancellor of the free world.

Now, I know what you must be thinking, 'How on earth could one simple-minded girl know
soooooo much about politics?' Or perhaps your thinking, 'What's for supper?' If
so, YOU'RE READING MY ARTICLE, STAY ON TASK. But to answer your first question?
I is smart. I is a good thinkerer. Politics schmolitics! I could become President right now and
do a better job than that ol' Harrison Ford guy anyday. I'd even be in a better movie AND
not let MY Air Force One get hijacked, b'gosh!

*Ahem* Anyway, as I was saying, I'd make a great president. I'd do things for this country

that no man has ever DARED to attempt! I'd abolish slavery, force the south to rejoin the

Union, fight for our freedom from the British³ and push the Indians into small makeshift homesteads in South Dakota! I

bet nobody's thought of doing any of THAT yet!

Yep, when it comes to American politics, no one's quite as knowledged as me. Trust me.

Thanks for your time, and if anyone would like to be my Vice President when I'm in power, I'll

be holding an essay contest. Title, 'Why I'd make a good Vice President' in 300 words or less.

Thanks!

Your Little h2g2'er,

Darth Zaphod

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