A.P.R.:

It's that time of year, again, when the DIYer contemplates fixing or at least reducing the damage to all the little wiring problems and appliance glitches that made themselves known unto them during the winter.

The well-prepared handy person will have a plethora of little gadgets, meters, tricked-out light bulbs and indicators to help tattle about where the trouble is.


They might also have some actual useful tools.


Them that do might want to go listen to something else as this is first year stuff.


Why, Art, you may ask, are you dealing with first year stuff. Surely, you may say, all DIYers are at least legal adults who are immeasurable in their real life experience and astutity?


Well, if you truly truly believe that, then you shouldn't even be listening to this. You should be running down to your local barn store to buy as many gadgets as you think you need, so your kids and spouse will have something they can sell when they gather the quid to bury you, and hopefully, soon. Bye-ee.


Now, for those of you still with us, let's deal with a few basic concepts.


Number one,

any kind of cloth or plastic or rubber insulation might save your itty life, if used to hold a tool or probe that is being used to poke inside an electrically charged item. A pencil or chopstick can be used, also.


Number two,

if you see anything that looks round or square and it had two wires coming out, possibly one on each end, do not touch. Period. It probably is storing a charge.


Number three,

If the plug or outlet that you are contemplating bringing together are missing legs, prongs, and holes, or have too many legs, prongs, or, um, apertures, then you either need an adaptor, which you have to go buy, regardless of what your brother or brother-in-law said, or you need to have the house rewired, in which case, what is your brother doing next weekend?


Number four,

Remember not to tie any wires together that weren' before. Anything that looks burnt and expensive probably is. And if it has a light bulb in it right now but you need an outlet...

forget it and go buy an extension cord and run it out the kitchen window!


Number five,

A fuse is not supposed to either outlive the house, or live up to its name. Buy the right kind at the right value and forgo the copper coin or the foil wrapped pellet. If you have the old-fashioned wire fuze, please do not use guitar strings or piano wire.


This has been Art. P. Ratchet.

Have fun, be careful, and buy lunch for the fire brigade, 'cause they'll probably lose theirs when you finally have to call them...