How I got Past Self Harming
Created | Updated Sep 9, 2003
Before I write this entry, I feel I should explain why I am writing it. When I was 9, I went through a bad patch of my life <bruised>, which carried on until I was 15. Through that time I used to cut myself, burn myself, throw myself down the stairs and generally try to find ways to a) release my anger and b) punish myself. So i'm writing this entry to try and help other self harmers and to help sort my own mind out. At this moment in time I have quit for 49 weeks, and the strain is getting to me badly. For the people out there who want to quit - maybe this will help. There are 'stages' to giving up, I have found. These are they.
Stage One <injured>
To be able to stop, you have to want to stop. I don't mean wanting to stop because your friends have asked you to, or because your boyfriend/girlfriend will leave you if you don't. You have to accept that when you hurt yourself it is detremental to you and not to somebody else. You also need to know why you do it. If you don't know, you can't change the situation. If you don't want to stop and you don't know why you do it (being bored is not a reason) then you are more likely to fail. I tried to quit a number of times because I hated seeing how it upset my friends. My friends went on at me about how selfish it is and I couldn't understand that, because I was harming my body and not them. I only realised that I had to quit when i had to go into hospital because I wouldnt stop bleeding. <ill> That scared me, and I hope that isn't how you'll realise.
Stage Two <hangover>
Ok - so you decided to stop. That doesn't just mean reducing the amount you do it. From the minute you chose to stop, that's it. A good way to start I found was to make a list of all the things I used to hurt myself with and asked people to look after them for me. They were only to give me them if I needed them, for example a compass for maths lessons. Drawing red marks on my wrists when i wanted to cut, or tying red <strawberry> laces around my wrists and chewing them off instead of cutting helped me alot, but each person has a different way of handling it. I covered my walls in newspaper and threw paint at them, or I shouted and screamed to music. Smashing cups helped alot too or ripping up fabric (not paper because that was too easy). When I used to cut because I was lonely or upset, so I made the effort to go find people to cheer me up. I'd found I'd alienated myself when I cut, because I'd gone off on my own to release on my own, and I had pushed my friends away from me. <sad> You need to find your own solutions to the problems self harming has caused.
Stage 3 <monster>
This isn't really a stage. At this point, I foundmyself getting really cross and snapping easily at friends and family. It was very difficult to channel emotions properly and I found myself cracking up at the smallest things, like a chair being slightly out of place. At this stage, I nearly started to harm again, but thankfully my friends were understanding and helped me through. REMEMBER! True friends will help you through this no matter how grouchy you are.
Stage 4 <magic>
After a few months, I found I had relaxed back into a sensible way of life. I could go for just over a week without craving the pain. It was at this point that a friend suggested to me that quitting was all very easy when there is nothing there to harm with, but eventually I would need to be around these things. So when you feel ready you could try carrying the blades with you (or what ever it is that you use) but I would suggest also carry safe objects you can fiddle with, like squeezy balls and elastic bands and small puzzles. It sounds really stupid <silly>, but by doing that, I found that when I reached for a blade, there was something else to play with. And it really helped. Eventually, the desires to hurt myself have faded and I found other ways to calm down <steam>
I don't know if I will manage to quit, but all I can hope is that I will this time. The last few weeks have been tough as I'm having a few problems again, but I know that I can work through them, so I hope it gets easier. Good luck to you! <cat> x
Stage One <injured>
To be able to stop, you have to want to stop. I don't mean wanting to stop because your friends have asked you to, or because your boyfriend/girlfriend will leave you if you don't. You have to accept that when you hurt yourself it is detremental to you and not to somebody else. You also need to know why you do it. If you don't know, you can't change the situation. If you don't want to stop and you don't know why you do it (being bored is not a reason) then you are more likely to fail. I tried to quit a number of times because I hated seeing how it upset my friends. My friends went on at me about how selfish it is and I couldn't understand that, because I was harming my body and not them. I only realised that I had to quit when i had to go into hospital because I wouldnt stop bleeding. <ill> That scared me, and I hope that isn't how you'll realise.
Stage Two <hangover>
Ok - so you decided to stop. That doesn't just mean reducing the amount you do it. From the minute you chose to stop, that's it. A good way to start I found was to make a list of all the things I used to hurt myself with and asked people to look after them for me. They were only to give me them if I needed them, for example a compass for maths lessons. Drawing red marks on my wrists when i wanted to cut, or tying red <strawberry> laces around my wrists and chewing them off instead of cutting helped me alot, but each person has a different way of handling it. I covered my walls in newspaper and threw paint at them, or I shouted and screamed to music. Smashing cups helped alot too or ripping up fabric (not paper because that was too easy). When I used to cut because I was lonely or upset, so I made the effort to go find people to cheer me up. I'd found I'd alienated myself when I cut, because I'd gone off on my own to release on my own, and I had pushed my friends away from me. <sad> You need to find your own solutions to the problems self harming has caused.
Stage 3 <monster>
This isn't really a stage. At this point, I foundmyself getting really cross and snapping easily at friends and family. It was very difficult to channel emotions properly and I found myself cracking up at the smallest things, like a chair being slightly out of place. At this stage, I nearly started to harm again, but thankfully my friends were understanding and helped me through. REMEMBER! True friends will help you through this no matter how grouchy you are.
Stage 4 <magic>
After a few months, I found I had relaxed back into a sensible way of life. I could go for just over a week without craving the pain. It was at this point that a friend suggested to me that quitting was all very easy when there is nothing there to harm with, but eventually I would need to be around these things. So when you feel ready you could try carrying the blades with you (or what ever it is that you use) but I would suggest also carry safe objects you can fiddle with, like squeezy balls and elastic bands and small puzzles. It sounds really stupid <silly>, but by doing that, I found that when I reached for a blade, there was something else to play with. And it really helped. Eventually, the desires to hurt myself have faded and I found other ways to calm down <steam>
I don't know if I will manage to quit, but all I can hope is that I will this time. The last few weeks have been tough as I'm having a few problems again, but I know that I can work through them, so I hope it gets easier. Good luck to you! <cat> x
