Introduction

A social chameleon is an individual who has the ability to enter social situations
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and blend in by adopting or mimicking the social norms displayed by the other participants in the situation.

A social chameleon will adopt and reflect the mood and sentiment of the situation and not his own. A chameleon will synthesize an opinion or position from observing those displayed by others in the situation, and forget that position when the social situation is left. The ultimate objective of the social chameleon is to blend into the social situation without disturbing that situation.

By its nature this behaviour is unobtrusive, and hard to identify or isolate.

Characterization

The social chameleon has an advantage entering many situations - by adopting the rules observed a quick integration into the society is assured. This is also a disadvantage - for example- if the society has a rule that is 'to tell us about yourself' as part of the initiation, then the chameleon has no context in which to place the answer. Non-chameleons typically have no problem with this sort of situation, but the chameleon finds it hard to come up with the answer that will be of the required 'fitting in' nature. Here is the crux of the chameleon's makeup - the urge to blend in, to fit in. And the dilemma is it can not be done without learning the context of what it is that needs to be blended in with.
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There are many separate societies that an individual has to participate in. Each is distinct and requires a different set of rules and modes of participation. Some societies are as small as two participants, and others are as large as all living individuals
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on a planet. To be a successful member of each society, the individual has to learn the rules for each. And these rules could be formal, written rules, or informal verbal rules, traditions, etiquette, or even a declared absence of rules.*

Depending on the number of societies that are interacted with, a very large number of possibly contradictory rules needs to be absorbed and deployed, each set separate.

The process of acquiring these sets of rules is dictated by the society that is being joined. There could be a list of rules provided as a service to new members. There could be an apprentice period, or an introduction or initiation rite. Or there could be nothing - just figure it out. *

Non chameleons will make up a consolidated set of rules that with small adjustments are used in all situations. This set of rules is essentially who they are, what they are and how they behave in any given situation. And each individual will have a different set of rules.

While chameleons will also have a set of rules, they are more prone to adjust or abandon them in new situations, and try to adopt new ones that are gleaned form the situation. Chameleons have no problems with adopting contradictory rules for different situations - the need to blend in is paramount.

If the situation has few participants, then there are few observations that can be made. Then the chameleon has to use a backup strategy - normally do nothing and observe.

Distinctive Traits

In any communication

• Will not be argumentative
• Tend to see many sides of an argument
• Seeks consensus
• Does not volunteer information readily
• Will appear to be knowledgeable on the subject
• Appears friendly

When interacting aurally -

• Will mimic the accent of the surrounding participants.
• Copy the tone and inflexion of what is being said.

Written Communications

• Uses words carefully.
• Adopts the writing style of the corespondents.
• Will read many subtleties and interpretations into what is being communicated.
• Is prone to lengthy asides.

How to recognize

A social chameleon has a few weaknesses. These can be used to recognize them. The simplest way to identify one is to ask a question that has no prior context, and which requires an answer that would identify the chameleon as belonging to some society or other. For example asking 'where are you from?' when you first come in contact with a chameleon will typically result in an evasive answer. If you do get an answer then it is probably multifaceted. This is done in the hopes that the requestor will find at least one aspect of the answer satisfactory.

Here is a specific case

'Where are you from?'


'Well, in one sense the last place I was at before being in this country was Holland, but I also am from Manchester University and ...'

Other tell-tale signs are to try and place the chameleon in the spotlight. If you succeed in doing this (unlikely) then the result will be a mimicking of what has been done before in the same scenario. If you prevent the chameleon from having prior knowledge of the scenario - thus depriving him of the information to be as others have done - then you will have a traumatized social chameleon on your hands. Be ready with whatever your social situation prescribes to calm and restore individuals in this state - eg a beer, a really good cup of tea, a back door exit, whatever. Be sure to do whatever you think is normal for your particular social situation in that circumstance - not what you think the chameleon actually needs.

What to do if...

... you suspect you have been interacting with a chameleon

Reflect on what you have learned - most likely the subject matters were of your own choosing, and no actual connection was made with the chameleon. That is not to say that the information you have gained is not valuable. It is just that no significant change in the social relationship between you and the chameleon will have occurred.

...you want to befriend a chameleon.

Be ready for a long, hard struggle. Perhaps you will never be. Learn the characteristics of the chameleon, and play to these. Allow for those. To get past the acquaintance stage is a difficult process, and requires dedication. The most successful means would be to create or be in a very similar situation to the chameleon. This situation has to be new to the chameleon, and by providing the template on which the chameleon can base responses creates a strong bond and loyalty in the chameleon. But beware.... The person you uncover under the chameleon may not be the person you thought you were befriending. And by the chameleon's nature, there will always be a reflection of you in any interactions between you.

...you want to employ a chameleon.

It will be difficult to get a real feel for the enthusiasm for the job - a chameleon will strive to please any boss, and will do the work required. The trick is to get the chameleon on a job or project he is fired up about, and this, again by the nature of the beast, is a hard thing to fathom, as he will reflect and adopt the attitudes of his coworkers and peers.

...you want to love a chameleon.

This is a very tricky one. Love is fickle, and rules of love are very squishy. A chameleon will find it hard to express love in any original manner. One measure of success in your endeavor to love one is if there is originality in the chameleon's expressions or responses to that love. But be prepared for many frustrations - the chameleon is still bound to those instincts of adaptation and mimicking - there will be situations where those instincts will overshadow the love you are nurturing, and the desire to blend into a new social situation will override any rules of love that you two have created. Do not demand that your new rules have to take precedence over those. Better to work with your chameleon to develop new rules that you two, as a couple, will employ when encountering social situations. Try and foster and create a new body of rules that define the couples' interactions. But when your chameleon is out alone, expect a relapse to those old behaviours.

...you want to hate a chameleon.

Why bother? Hate is such a drain on your energy and wellbeing, it’s not really worth it. But if you really, really must know...

Hating a chameleon is hard work. The essence of a chameleon is to reflect and fit in with whatever societal situation is present. So at some level the hate you foster is really a hatred for the society the chameleon is in. As such, you are not hating an individual, but a group of people, or worse, a body of ideas and rules. This is even more futile. Or if you took violent offense at something a chameleon said, be ready to find that what was said is totally forgotten by the chameleon, or not actually the position held, if you can even establish what that might be. Read the earlier sections on how chameleons operate, and you might realize that what you are hating is a façade that shimmers and changes with the situation. A hard target to maintain.

...you want to upset a chameleon.

Now why would you want to do such a thing, upsetting such harmless creatures who only want to blend in, be unnoticed?

Well, actually, there is your answer - make notice of the chameleon, do not let her blend in. Change the rules and keep the situation fluid. In conversation, change the subject randomly and unexpectedly. Personal attacks probably will not work, but arguments that show the chameleon up as an outsider will. An upset chameleon might leave the situation and not re-enter, but it also depends what the norm is for the society you are carrying on in.