h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, here's the way I see it: We both *want* to answer emails, we both *enjoy* answering emails, but the emails are really long. Now, you're busy, I'm busy; in short, we've both got a lot of stuff we have to take care of in our daily lives. And, consequently, we find it difficult to find the time necessary to write gigantanormous emails to eachother. So in the meantime we each take turns having virtually no contact from the other. Which, frankly, I don't like, so I want to change all that. SO! Here's my plan: Stick with the emails (they're fun), but also have a Thread on h2g2 where we can keep up more regular contact. And yes, you guessed it, this is exactly the Thread I had in mind. So I'll start things off:


I don't have a can opener. I went to the store to buy one, but of course, being broke, I decided to get one from the Dollar Store. I brought it back to my apartment and lo-and-behold, (I think you can guess where this is going), it didn't work. Wouldn't so much as make a dent in the metal. So I need to go get an actual can opener that actually works, which I'll probably do tomorrow. On the bright side, I had signed up for a shared room, which I was positively dreading since, as I'm sure you know, I'm the kind of guy who needs his own alone time, but as it turned out, no one else showed up! So I get a private room after all, for half the cost. And also, today I happened upon a tailgate party and got some free food! Mmmm....

I'm not ignoring you. I just wanted to quickly let you know that I like your plan and it's good and I'll reply to this thread when I'm feeling better

You haven't had your teeth out yet, have you?

Okay, I just went and looked at that last email, and apparently you have. So, these are for you:

Let me know if you got the email I sent, because it's big and long and I want to make sure you have it before I delete the copy I made. Also, I notice that today is your first day of regular school, so good luck at school.

Apart from that, I figure you might want to know that I got my new shoes, I hit my head, and Blackbear died.

Hello!

Okay. I'm trying to reply to all backlogged correspondence before schools starts tomorrow. For some reason I don't understand my school starts a day later than everyone else.

So! Congratulations about your new shoes and the room you have all to yourself! I'm sorry to hear that you hit your head. Are you alright?
And X, I am so sorry to hear about Blackbear. The last I heard he was getting better.

My teeth thing went well. I'm not bad at all. I think I'm probably ready to chew food but I'm worried about getting food caught where my teeth used to be and then it getting infected or something. But I think I'm worried about nothing. Still, I have to decide what to make for dinner tonight.

In other news school is going so wonderfully. In fact it scares me. Things are going so well in my life I'm waiting for something awful to happen. I should not be this happy and it worries me. I have some friends at school, I'm getting good grades, I love what I'm studying, I'm in the honours program, I just got a scholarship I didn't apply for. Everything is just going too well and I'm suspicious. But I figure I'd better at least enjoy it while it lasts. I plan to do everything I can do keep school going well. I'm really trying hard. Even harder than I used to try and I've always given a pretty good effort. This one prof I have has completely changed my life around. It's amazing. I think I'm going to kill myself working for him but that's okay. Let's just hope I don't have a nervous breakdown.

So what's up with me... Not much. Going back to school I'm taking four courses plus I'm doing the honours graduating essay which should suck up any free time I might have had. Aside from that I have two jobs this year which both start in September. The first job is my old job working with kids. Should be interesting... there are going to be ten kids for me to look after. Thank goodness it's only for an hour and a bit two mornings a week! I can see how it's a potential nightmare. The other job is amazing. It's a work study position for the Medieval Studies department. I'm so excited! I'm going to be paid to do research about one of my favourite topics and then I'll do write ups which will become part of a bigger project.

Okay, we said we'd keep this short so I'd better quit now before it becomes huge! Sorry.... sometimes I'l just so chatty.

~*~I'm sorry to hear that you hit your head. Are you alright?~*~

Yeah, it's fine.


~*~I am so sorry to hear about Blackbear. The last I heard he was getting better.~*~

I thought he was.


~*~Things are going so well in my life I'm waiting for something awful to happen.~*~

You really do worry too much, you know. I mean, come on, good things happen; life isn't all suffering and misery.


~*~I should not be this happy~*~

Whyever not? You haven't committed some horrible sin, as far as I know.


~*~I love what I'm studying~*~

Always a good thing.


~*~I just got a scholarship I didn't apply for.~*~

Oh no, you're right, that one is genuinely suspicious. How could you get a scholarship you didn't apply for? (Not to say you don't deserve the scholarship, but if you never applied for it, how could they know to give it to you?)


~*~I plan to do everything I can do keep school going well. I'm really trying hard. Even harder than I used to try~*~

I didn't know such a thing was possible.


~*~This one prof I have has completely changed my life around.~*~

How so?


~*~I think I'm going to kill myself working for him but that's okay.~*~


No it's not!!! What about /my/ happiness? The last thing I need is for another friend of mine to die!


~*~Let's just hope I don't have a nervous breakdown.~*~

No, that would also be a bad thing. You know, they say that the best way to avoid nervous breakdowns is by talking it all out with a close friend. Like, say, Saturday at 10:00....


~*~The other job is amazing. It's a work study position for the Medieval Studies department. I'm so excited! I'm going to be paid to do research about one of my favourite topics and then I'll do write ups which will become part of a bigger project.~*~

Hooray! That's really cool!

Now, speaking from a purely selfish point of view: you translate Old English manuscripts into modern English, right? So if I were to give you something written in modern English, do you think you could translate that into Old English? (Or perhaps just Old-er English?) I ask because that book I was talking to you about would (allegedly) have been written several hundred years ago, so of course they wouldn't be using modern English.


~*~Sorry.... sometimes I'm just so chatty.~*~

I don't mind. But you're right, this is supposed to stay semi-short; actually this post I'm doing now is probably too long, but most of it is just one sentence stuff you can't reply to, so it should be okay.

*Storms in and slams the door behind him.*


I hate today!

This whole day has gone all wrong in the most annoying ways possible! First I wake up late, so I'm late for my Ancient Greece class. I had to rush out the door and I still missed a whole third of the class! Then after that I had Math class, on the other side of campus. So as I'm walking over there I pass by a job fair thing; just what I need, right? Only I couldn't go to it then because I had to go to Math. So I go to Math, and I'm bored to death for the entire lecture because all it is is Functions and, like almost everything else we've done so far this semester, I've already learned about Functions. I'm starting to wonder whether Dixie's Math 1010 is actually Math 1050 in disguise and I don't actually have to take this class at all. But nevermind that. Finally, the class is over, so I head out the door, make a quick stop to sign up for so-called "mandatory volunteer hours," (in fairness I did get three cookies), and headed to where I'd seen the job fair. Guess what? Turns out they'd closed down everything at the exact same time that I got out of Math. Barren wasteland. So, throwing up my hands (so to speak), I go back to my apartment. I decided that I should catch up on some of my history reading before going to the Spanish Language Practice Thing. Only problem is, apparently I fell asleep. And now that I've woken up the Spanish Do-Hickey has already started. There's no point leaving now, because by the time I get there it will have just finished. So here I am again, again having missed something I wanted to go to, and to cap it off, while I was asleep I /also/ missed Stargate Atlantis, which I can see from this little bit at the end was an episode I had missed before and one that's crucial to the later devolopment of the show!




Anyway, that's been my annoying day. You don't have to bother replying to this post when you get back, I just needed to complain to someone.

*Flops down on the couch that suddenly appeared out of thin air.*

Been a busy week?

Or two weeks, as the case may be..... You know you work too hard, right?

I wish you were here so you could massage my shoulders. They're extremely tense after carrying back those groceries.

This is assuming you wouldn't mind doing that, of course.

Stargate Universe is premiering tonight. I'll let you know how it turns out.

You know, the whole reason I put this here in the first place was to AVOID the long, dark, cold periods of lonely silence.

You know, because I'm an anti-social leper and I don't have any friends, so they're like, long, dark, cold, and lonely.

Hi X,

Sorry about the wait period.... I just don't get on much. I don't know. The only reason I'm here now is that my webpage is taking forever to load. Hurry up!!!!! I need to look at Harley ms. 1676!! It's really most frustrating. It's holding up my work.

Things are going very well here. Just very busy. My honours supervisor is keeping me hopping. I have lots of homework for my other classes but to me my honours project comes first and I'd do anything for my supervisor so I do mountains of work for it and then spend the rest of my time trying to catch up in my other classes. Unfortunately it really doesnt leave me with much time for chatting on the internet.

I'm very sorry to hear you're so lonely. Have you not made any friends at your school? Shockingly enough I'm doing rather well on that front. I've got four new friends. It's really very nice. Makes the day go faster and the world a little brighter.

Well, I must get back to work. This enormous table full of information isn't going to make itself!!

Well.... Maybe you could ask your teacher to cut back on your homework or something...... It's just, you know, the selfish and needy part of me is feeling Met-starved....

Or perhaps you could sign into MSN now and again. That'd be nice too.

Anyway, I know you weren't thrilled with the others, but what about this one?

http://xkcd.com/650/

Y'know it doesn't take longer than five minutes just to say "hi."

So anyway, I'm tired of pretending. The truth is that my name is really Morbo and I'm actually an alien from a far distant galaxy sent to your puny planet to study these strange emotions that you humans call "love" and "friendship."

Soon you will all kneel at the feet of Morbo!

It seems obvious at this point that I can't carry on a whole conversation all by myself.