Report from the Steering Committee: Directional Capabilities during Straitened Circumstances
Created | Updated Dec 23, 2003
The Department of Give 'im an Inch...and...
Now we are all aware that some people do not live on the same level as we. They seem to see things that we miss down here.
Some of these people are in manglement, and they are just a few inches above us, so if we buy higher heels, we might be able to guess what they're on about. Maybe.
Then there's the Upper Manglement. They don't even breathe the same atmosphere. Not even in the gene pool.
Above that is the Bored of Defectors, who are unrecognizable as creatures of the same dementia. And a subcult of the Bored of Defectors is the Steering Committee, a box full of tools that are about as greasy...
Sorry, that gentleman is no longer with us.
To introduce the current bit of programming, we leave it to our usually faithful announcer, Bamber Perlicue, of the Outswitch Perlicues:
Pamper Burlesque:
Yeah, right, thanks, guys.
Entry Data
Entry ID: A971886
Edited by:
(tonsil revenge) A little courtesy costs you nothing while a lack of courtesy can cost you everything!
Date: 19 February 2003
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Bamber Perlicue:
Yeah. Verrry funny, guys. Roaring with laughter, am I. Positively ripping.
PLEASE STAND BY, DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, THE ANNOUNCER'S TROUSERS ARE UNFASTENED
Bamber:
Listen, you weasels, I know where you park!
We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.
Bamber:
(wearing blackface under a black light)
Thank you. That's much better...
All right! That's done it! Whose the bint that's been messing wit' me script?
Sorry. That is an earlier draft. Do you have a pink sheet or a robin's egg sheet?
Bamber:
Huh? I've got a sort of khaki sheet.
Um. You mean 'buff'?
Bamber:
Sort of. So, I should have the robin's egg sheet?
Um.
Bamber:
C'mon, I haven't got all night!
Well, this is a taping.
Bamber:
Right, then. I'm going home and you lot sort this out to your satisfaction...
or find some other Charlie to do your dingey work for you...
No! Wait! Come back! We've found it!
Bamber:
(in distance)
Nope. Too late. You blew it. Bye!
Ahhh... Urf! Now, what do we do?
There's always music.
Ah. Yes, there is. What do you suggest?
Um. My favorite is the stuff they used to play in the Encyclopedia Britannica Educational Films back in the Sixties
Um. Ugh. I think I'll go see if Bamber is doing anything to our cars.
That would be interesting in my case. I don't have a car.
What? That's odd. This station is out in the middle of nowhere. How have you been getting to work?
What work? I don't work here. I AM.
SFX: small damp sound
W-w-what? You 'am' what?
SFX: Ta-DaH!
I Am The Ghost of Sound Effects Past! There is an echo of me on every reverb unit, every inch of reused tape and in the dreams of every Radiophonic (tm)(r) fool. Wah-ha-ha-ha! Welcome to My Realm!
Gulp! SFX: girding of loins and Nikes. Sound of running feet.
Door opening. FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW!
Door closing.
Fool! Doesn't he know that he is now mine forever... Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahhhahahah
hahahahahahaahhhhhahhhh
hhaaaaaaahahahhahahahahahahahahaahahahhaah boing boing boing
click
Engineer Van Helsing:
Ha, yerself.
Now, where's that degausser?
