Travel broadens the mind.

Online travel not only broadens the mind, but stirs the imagination while sparing the pocketbook.

Join me on an exotic journey.

Reading the web can be fun. If you use the right research method, you can make it fun-ner. The research method I use would be scorned at any conference of academic cybrarians, but I find it personally satisfying. It involves following your nose. Take the other day, when I started out by wondering about the ethnicities, university affiliations, and other trivia of the cast of a US television programme I was watching. I worked my way down the list from the main actors – one of whom delighted me by having been born in Ljubljana – to the guest star, Hal Holbrook. Now, Mr Holbrook is a familiar figure, having played an aged Mark Twain since the 1950s (he needs less make-up these days), but I was delighted to learn that he (Holbrook, not Twain) had been married to a much-loved lady actor by the name of Dixie Carter.

I wasn't too surprised when I found out that Ms Carter's real name was Dixie. I got a chuckle out of the note that said her first husband was also named Carter, but that they were not related. You have to say that sort of thing where I come from, because it is not a given. It got really interesting, however, when I discovered that Dixie Carter was the pride and joy of McLemoresville, Tennessee, population 342. In spite of the fact that I was born 117 miles southwest of the city of McLemoresville¹, I had never even heard of the place. I determined to rectify the omission.

What I learned about McLemoresville was fascinating. I will share it with you, especially because the internet sources are so instructive. Seeing how these things are written up could teach us a lot about writing for The Guide.

When looking for geographical information, we first turn to Barney Google for a map. You don't need to do that, I made one for you. Next, we go to that miserable excuse for a website, you know the one, the Failed Guide that turned into a pathetic excuse for an encyclopaedia because they didn't know what they were doing. The one they let anybody write on. The one where you find 'Tommy Jenkins is a dork' written between every line of an entry on electricity until the editors find out and go clean up the text. That website. On that website, it often happens that for some inexplicable reason, a place isn't covered by the international press, so some kind local person takes pity on them and adds an entry. This appears to be the case with McLemoresville, which has received the sort of treatment indicative of local knowledge and bias (Also laziness.)

To my chagrin, I am unable to find out how to pronounce 'McLemoresville'. Several possibilities spring to mind: 'mack-LEMURS-vul' and 'mack-luh-MORES-vul' are strong possibilities. I'm sure about the last syllable, though: you have to swallow the 'ville' part, as you do, correctly, for all the other 'villes' in Tennessee: 'NASH-vul', 'KNOX-vul', 'SMITH-vul', 'CO'-vul' [=Cookville], 'Mc-MINN-vul'. More interesting is the information that McLemoresville is near the larger city of Milan.

Do not jump to conclusions. Milan is pronounced 'MY-lun'. Well, that's what the pathetic encyclopaedia says. In actuality, it is pronounced 'MAAH-lun'. I know my Tennesseans.

I have been trying to find out how to pronounce McLemoresville all day. Unfortunately, the mayor is not answering his phone. I suspect that he is either at his day job or out bush-hogging the south forty.

Wiki states that the population of McLemoresville was a mere 259 in 2000. This may be true, but the mayor's website indicates explosive growth this decade, so I'll go by his figure of 342. Over 90% of these people are 'white', and many of them are Cumberland Presbyterians. The tastiest tidbit from the bland site is this:

The town's high school burned in the 1940s or 1950s and was not replaced.

One suspects that replacing the high school was not a priority if nobody noticed it was gone. The article further states that the elementary school (which included a junior high school, a pretty good feat) was integrated in 1966, 'without event'. I had to explain this to Elektra, but that was a noteworthy accomplishment on their part.

Obviously, if we want to get any real information on McLemoresville, we're going to have to go further. Fortunately, the mayor's listed on the Chamber of Commerce website, even if he doesn't answer his phone.

One thing I want to ask the mayor of McLemoresville, besides how to pronounce the name of the town, is whether Mr Williams, the mayor, is related to the man the museum is named for. In addition to being the birthplace of Dixie Carter, McLemoresville was home to the late Billy O Williams, once the associate poet laureate of Tennessee. Alas, I can locate none of his verse online. I would like to know how his work compares to that of Patrick Kavanagh. I think they might have had things in common.

The Chamber of Commerce website is way more informative than the Ickypedia entry, and was obviously written with love. We'd bet this author would have noticed if the school burned down. We are offered a virtual tour of the town square, which includes this description:

Just off the square to the North you'll find Elliott's Sign & Design Studio, Happy Times Day Care, Grace's Quick Stop, and Blow's Gun Shop. These may not fill all of our needs, but they contribute to the good life of our citizens all across the county.

I am busy imagining just how Blow's Gun Shop contributes to the good life of our citizens – and how much. Also, whether Grace enjoys working between a day care centre and a place that sells firearms.

According to the website, there are five churches in McLemoresville. (Did we mention that there are 342 residents? Are they sure there's room for them all on a Sunday? Oh, well, there are probably a few sinners.) The churches are listed as 'The Cumberland Presbyterian Church, McLemoresville United Methodist, McLemoresville Baptist Church, Reedy Creek Baptist Church and ________.'

Three explanations occur to me at this point:

1. The secretary couldn't remember the name of the fifth church, or how to spell it. She left it blank and forgot to come back and fix it. For four years.
2. The fifth church is run by a board of deacons that is having a land dispute with the Chamber of Commerce. For this reason, they are being slighted.
3. The fifth church is something embarrassing, like the Seventh-Day Jehovah's Rastafarian Temple of the Anointed. Nobody wants to admit they exist, but they haven't got them to move to Milan yet.

The history of McLemoresville provides more food for thought:

The Civil War left its mark when Forrest Raiders paid the town a visit and took the school's telescope thinking it to be a secret weapon.

'Forrest Raiders' would be irregular cavalry (probably pronounced 'calvary') under the command of General Nathan Bedford Forrest. Historical apologists spend far too much time, in my opinion, trying to convince us that Nathan Bedford Forrest wasn't an ignorant man, that he didn't say he got there 'the fustest with the mostest'. Hah! Rachel McKinney, the museum's curator and town historian, obviously knows better. I'll bet she supplied that tidbit. Anyway, they got the telescope back, but it moved to nearby McKenzie when Bethel College relocated.

At least it isn't in Milan.

Reading about this town has been fun, enlightening, and good for my health. Laughter is always good for the health.

Nobody should think I'm laughing at McLemoresville or its residents. On the contrary. Reading the Chamber of Commerce website made me want to go there. After all, it's only 636 miles away. I could get there in ten-and-a-half hours, if I didn't stop… And I know what I'd find:

A small piece of heaven. A trip back in time. Some elderly farmers spitting tobacco juice in the town square. A museum full of oddities. A fire department with one truck bought with the proceeds of fundraisers – according to the fire chief, 'It took a lot of hamburgers, but it's worth it all.' And an historian who calls the place the 'best small town in America'.

Now, wasn’t that worth the trip?

Fact and Fiction by Dmitri Gheorgheni Archive

Dmitri Gheorgheni

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