Fights.....and How to Avoid Them
Created | Updated Oct 22, 2012
The most basic piece of advice if you find yourself in a confrontational situation is this:
Run Away, Terribly Fast.
Alternatively, if that's not an option due to the presence of women you want to have sex with, your being surrounded, or being petrified beyond the capacity for rational thought, then some further ideas would be very useful.
The most common form of fight is that of the drunken pub-brawl. Should you be the unfortunate person selected as the target of a Neanderthal’s attention, it is difficult to use the run away technique without leaving the relative safety of the building. That is unless you have a friend waiting outside in a car with the engine running.
The first thing not to do is to try and talk your way out of it. The person threatening you is likely to be no higher up the evolutionary ladder than a demented hamster, and hence is unlikely to respond well to any form of intellectual communication.
You must acknowledge their superiority over you. This is despite the fact that you have a good job earning a good living, good education, and could hold your own in conversation with Stephen Hawking; while they have no job and steal a good living, left school before their testicles had descended, and couldn’t tell you what planet they are living on let alone whether the Universe is open or closed. Acting submissive might just prevent the first punch from being thrown. However, this is unlikely to work if there is more than one of them.
Now, assuming that you lack the ability to turn into a vampire, or change the rules of the computer system that is real-life, the fight could be rather more painful that you currently imagine. Since your assailant will usually be drunk, you should be able to use this to your advantage. When he swings at you, he will hopefully fall on his face providing you move out of the way quick enough. This would be a good point to exercise the better part of valour.
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