Hi guys, welcome to the party, mind your head on the balloons in the trees on your way through it's just through the doors up there:

Of course if you'd prefer avoid the noise and the squash getting in you can always get to the party via The Garden

...Oh, you came by car, and were looking for a parking space? Erm... sorry... there's no more room to park the car, if you wanted a parking space in the Drive you really had to be here days ago. You'll have to go down the street and round the corner to find a bit of the verge that isn't already taken up with a 4x4 or "People Carrier".

I knew we should have put all the public transport arrangements out with the invitations but would they listen to me. No. Still, you should be fine parking anywhere along the road ...well, up until the neighbours want to get to work in the morning anyway, but don't let that stop you. Who cares about the parking tickets, we'll just invite the traffic wardens in to the party and nick their notebooks while they're having a good time with everyone else.

I suppose you'll be staying til the end? ....Good, because the way these cars are parked, the probability of gettting out of here much before 13th May is rather slim. Don't blame me, I'm just pointing people in random directions to park. I just never was that organised about it...

...What was that? Who are the people in the corner? Oh they're just a few smokers who haven't got over the habit of walking outside for a quick cigarette before being thrown out by their boss/partner/children. Nice people. Though I hope that pile of butts in the corner doesn't get much higher, I have to clean this place after the party.

Talking of cleaning, I'd stay away from the bushes if I were you unless you fancy dry cleaning that lovely frock. There's always one who over-indulges and ends up being sick in them. ...No, surprisingly enough I haven't seen anyone do it yet, but surely it's only a matter of time.

Anyway, nice talking to you, enjoy the party.