h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On that extremely short, bumpy road to destiny, or wherever we are swiftly heading we meet many acquaintances. Some that we may wish we had never met, a few that become superb friends to the very end, either theirs or ours it is unchangeable, Kismet.

Derek and Gloria were two such people, married for quite few years and completely inseparable as they shared their work and hobbies daily, their love of animals was almost obsessive, neither of them could be trusted anywhere near an animal shelter without bringing a dog or a cat home with them. This caused no trouble at all because they were exactly the same way inclined, but I am afraid that I am a little more cautious myself.

Derek was a genius in the ways of mechanical engineering, he could fix anything and many times he had diagnosed a fault in my car for me by phone. He would say, “ If you break down, take a good look at it and observe carefully what has happened. Then if you look around the area, you will probably find something that will fix it temporarily.”

One day it happened and I walked to the nearest phone, “Derek, my car has just stopped, it will start but it will not pull away. When I press the accelerator it stops again, there is no power at all.”

A couple of minutes silence and then,
“ You have quite a serious problem there and I will fix it when you get back home.” Having believed that my great friend would set off at once with a tow- rope, I thought, well that is not much help, is it? He has not even asked where I am.

Oh ye of little faith! The statement was followed with, “you have a valve or a carburettor fault, and it is wear and tear, of one or both of them. You see the ratio of petrol to air is too weak.

Go back to your car and on the way see if you can find a clean tin can and a piece of wire about a foot long. Take the air filter off your carburettor and, secure the tin can on the carburettor instead of the filter, then tune it by putting small holes in the top until it runs faster."

Of course it did, and I drove home with no more trouble, but it did use an awful lot of fuel and smelled strongly of petrol until he fixed it properly.

A few weeks later I called at their home, Derek was just finishing his accounts on his latest toy, an early computer, and he said, “ I have made a great brew and we can try it out if you wish.

It was the strongest beer that I have ever tried, but Gloria said “ No thank you Derek.” Derek and I only had two bottles each, but the room began to revolve around me.

The fingers on the clock seemed to jump round to midnight, then Gloria glanced at Derek just as he said “ You will have to get one of these for yourself” Not likely, I’m not interested in such things,” was my very firm reply.

Soon it was decided that I would leave my car and Gloria would drive me home. The firm decision was later completely discarded and I was eventually tempted to change my mind.

How Derek would have appreciated my brand new computer with XP and all of its latest toys, unfortunately he never even visualised such wonders, and now he is gone.