h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Mission. A Play for T.V. Or Film?

Scene One. The Pentagon. The Year 2005.

Oval Office. A New Round Table. All Chairs Occupied Bar Four.

Usher, “ Ladies and gentleman, be standing for the new and ?????? President of the United States, President J.F. Terry.” Terry, still standing behind the chair at the traditional head of the table, now the middle one of the row of vacant chairs, begins to speak. “Welcome; and thank you all for your very prompt attention at such short notice, please be seated. Most of us have a great deal of practical experience in many ways, but the threat facing our great nation and all free peoples of the world today, is one that has never even been visualised in recorded history.

There is no need to emphasise, illustrate, or really even mention, the endless atrocities of death and destruction that have already been carried out in many countries of the free world. I can inform you now, that they are of the same opinion as ourselves and they will also tolerate it no more. I speak to you now with the full authority of those countries; who collectively denounce terrorism as an evil to be stamped out without mercy wherever it is to be found.

Obviously you have noticed the change in the shape of this chamber, the far end of the room is now separated by a bullet- proof screen with one-way vision and an emergency exit in the floor. The newly enclosed space and its facilities are available to you all at reasonable times, but occasionally authority may be temporarily withdrawn and security heightened due to business requirements.

Over many years, the strength and powers of The United Nations Assembly have been drastically weakened, resolve and determination deteriorating despite the dedication of an exceedingly skilful President. Without going into any of the sordid details or laying blame in any direction, lack of support, greed and self-interest appear to be the main culprits. Therefore it has been decided that a New League of Democratic Nations will be formed from the ashes, most certainly not the League of Gentlemen, all viable tactics will be used, and reasonable suggestions to further our cause will be earnestly considered. The chairs in the new section of our office are reserved for member-guests at critical new meetings except for four; one chair is reserved for myself, and two for special delegates appointed by this Committee. Many of our guests will probably speak good American English that we can all easily understand, except for the English ones of course, but their will be interpreters and computerised aids to assist.

The joke entombed in the last paragraph may not be the best one related at this table, but I insist that it must be the last one for some considerable time. Our intent is deadly serious from now on, with all frivolity and personal ambition discarded. At some later date I promise you that we will celebrate in style, once the difficult task is completed. You will have obviously noted that when the two special delegates to the new forum are chosen and seated by my side in these vacant chairs, there will be one more chair vacant, the same will apply at the new assembly when it first convenes, that space is reserved for!!............ No questions today, consider our way forward and return with your questions and ideas for the success of Our Mission.
Scene Two.

The Same Round Table. Seven Vacant Chairs.

President J.F. Terry, the Chair.

“Good morning thank you for your attendance, ladies and gentlemen, and straight to the business of the day. First item on the agenda is to select seven representatives of our committee to occupy the vacant chairs by my side at the top of the table. I merely ask that the choice, which is yours alone will be a sound one, and that it will reveal our strongest associates, the strength of single- minded purpose and dedication desperately needed in our fight to defeat the usurpers, universal terrorists already established within our borders.

All policies debated in this chamber will be subject to our established legal procedures and practices, but all relevant material and ideas will be taken forward by our elected panel of representatives to the adjoining chamber, and then returned to this committee for final approval. You will have noted that we still have one empty chair in each office! Due to the extreme need of swift, effective action, I propose the election of a coordinator to be seconded to our forum, not an invitation to invite a brother-in-law or relative for the position, but the most suitable person available irrespective of colour, gender or religion.

In order to do this vital job efficiently, the successful candidate must be appointed to a rank equivalent to the highest police officer in every state of the Union. As the Co-ordinator will be our representative in all areas of government and law enforcement it is essential that his or her rank be equal to theirs in every respect, a police warrant of the highest rank covering all states and government property is required to enforce our directives not only fully but instantly.

I propose at this time that the measures outlined at this time are subject to full debate at once, and any new security measures of any kind may be submitted from the floor of the chamber. I propose also that the measures we take are emergency ones subject to repeal or further consideration immediately the situation is under full control.

On relinquishing the chair, I hand over to ............. for questions comment, and suggestions.


The scene is set for Play or Film.
Now enter characters, expand plot details etc, and carry on writing in the direction decided, the scope is unlimited.