h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why does the holiday season bring out all the idiots? Today was a quiet day at the office yet I seemed to have twice as many brainless morons as usual, I know it is close to the New Year and a lot of people killed a lot of brain cells with lots of alcohol, including me. But hell, I can still tell the time or work out what 2 + 2 is. I havre therefore had something of a revelation...my job would be brilliant without passengers. Also one last thing, why do people lose everything, over the past few weeks I have retrieved everything from umbrellas (dull), mobile phones (so last year), Laptop computers (just plain stupid) and a 14 inch latex black vibrator for a very absent minded lady (I took great pleasure in returning that to her in front of about 10 people, of course I had to remove it from the bag) Don't people want to keep there stuff???