h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There has been a lot of disagreement lately over whether or not to post the Ten Commandments in courtrooms and classrooms. One of the main points of opponents is that four of the ten are very religious in nature while only six have to do with general rules of behavior. Since people rarely agree on religion it could be considered tactless for a government official to exhort their beliefs over the beliefs of the people they serve. That is not what I am worried about; I am worried why people are not raising such a fuss about the rest of the commandments.

Each of the Ten Commandments is listed in the bible, and in the order most people list them in. The problem lies in the fact there are quite a few more commandments than ten, and the bible never calls out these ten as being different or separate from the rest. Sure, there is a heading marked "The Ten Commandments" in some bibles, but the publishers added that. I have read through most of the rest of the commandments, and I have a few I think need to be examined and a few I think need to be added.

For years I have heard how punishment was laid out in the Old Testament. "An eye for an eye..." and it was explained to me that if one man injured another he was to be injured in the same way. Then I read the commandments. Exodus 21:18-19 "When men quarrel and one hits another with a stone or with a spade or fist and the man is not killed but takes to his bed; if he recovers so as to walk about with a stick, then the one who struck him has no liability, except that he shall pay for loss of time and shall see that he is cured." This does not sound like what I was taught, it sounds like worker's compensation. The part about "eye for eye" comes later. Exodus 21:22-25 "When, in the course of a brawl, a man knocks against a pregnant woman so that she has a miscarriage but suffers no further hurt, then the offender must pay whatever fine the woman's husband demands after assessment. Wherever hurt is done you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, bruise for bruise, wound for wound." And spleen for spleen I would guess. This has interesting implications for the Pro-Life crowd who claim the bible speaks for the rights of the unborn. Unfortunately they do not get the same protection under God's covenant that is given a grown man. Exodus 21:12 "Whoever strikes another man and kills him shall be put to death."

I have always wanted a servant to wait at my beck and call, and according to Exodus21:2 that is not a problem. "When you buy a Hebrew slave, he shall be your slave for six years, but in the seventh year he shall go free and pay nothing." If our congressmen are so anxious to base our law on the bible, why did they repeal slavery?

There is even a version of the "Make My Day" law! Exodus 22:4, "If a burglar is caught in the act and is fatally injured, it is not murder; but if he breaks in after sunrise and is fatally injured, then it is murder." So what if I shoot him off my property, but it is still nighttime?

There are a few commandments I would rather leave off. I remember my father spanking me as a child. I thought it was unfair and gave him a swat. This earned me another spanking, which compared to Exodus 21:15 is getting off light. "Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death."

There are several that I believe speak directly to our politicians. Exodus 23:1 spells it out well. "You shall not spread a baseless rumor. You shall not make common cause with a wicked man by giving malicious evidence." Think of how many politicians and talking heads would catch heat for this!

How many politicians change their ideals to get votes? Exodus 23:2-3; "You shall not be led into wrongdoing by the majority, nor, when you give evidence in a lawsuit, shall you side with the majority to pervert justice; nor shall you favor the poor man in his suit."

Exodus 23:9; "You shall not oppress the alien, for you know how it feels to be an alien, you were aliens yourselves in Egypt." I guess too many generations have passed; our politicians are trying to prevent people from crossing our borders and trying to deny them any rights if they do make it here.

Exodus 23:6-7 has a direct relation to today's justice system, "You shall not deprive the poor man of justice in his suit. Avoid all lies, and do not cause the death of the innocent and guiltless; for I the LORD will never acquit the guilty." How many indigents do we have sitting on death row? How many rich people?

Exodus 23:8 is the hardest hit to politicians, "You shall not accept a bribe, for bribery makes the discerning man blind and the just man give a crooked answer." No more PAC money, or soft money, or free trips if you want to say you're siding with God.

My favorite commandment is Exodus 20:26. "You must not mount up to my altar by steps, in case your private parts be exposed on it." In addition to the humorous situation called out in this verse it is poetic that the higher a person tries to put himself over his fellow men, the more you see of his bad side.