h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In the shop I where I work we have a classification system for the condition of vehicles. It is based on the commonly accepted 'piece-of-s**t' terminology. There are four stages which are based on the three main parts of a vehicle: exterior appearance, interior appearance, and running gear.

1) Cherry - The vehicle has no noticeable problems. The exterior has no dents larger than door dings. The interior is clean and unmolested with no broken pieces. The car runs fine, does not leak oil, and makes no strange sounds.

EXAMPLE: My parents have a '98 Dodge Grand Caravan with 36,000 on the odometer. It looks, runs, and drives like new. (Although some people would argue that all Chrysler products have POS status straight off the assembly line.)

2) P.O.S. - Pronounced Pee Oh Ess 'Piece Of S**t' The vehicle may have one of the three main parts in advanced disrepair, or two in minor disrepair.

EXAMPLE: One of the guys I work with has a '91 Nissan SE-V6 King-Cab 4WD Pickup. He recently wrecked it and had body work done at one of the local body shops. The body looks nice from a distance, but up close you notice the aftermarket (Sorta-Fit) body panels don't line up perfectly. The interior looks brand new. The engine runs fine but some exhaust studs are broken, making a loud exhaust note.

3) R.O.P.O.S. - Pronounced Row Poss 'Ragged Out Piece Of S**t' The vehicle may have two of the three main parts in advanced disrepair, or all three in minor disrepair.

EXAMPLE: My '81 Chevy Camaro has a perfect body, except for the fact that the paint is just about worn off. It's dull and in some places worn through, but there are no dents or rust. The interior is intact, but the carpet is not factory and doesn't quite fit right. Also the speakers are coming loose from the door panels. The engine and transmission run great but are both leaking oil.

4) F.R.O.P.O.S. - Pronounced Frow Poss 'Friggin Ragged Out Piece Of S**t' All three of the three main parts of the vehicle are in an advanced state of disrepair.

EXAMPLE: My '83 Mazda RX-7 GSL has several small dents and a large dent under the left rear. It has been repainted once and that paint is cracking. There is a small amount of rust beginning to appear behind the hatchback glass. The carpet is missing in the hatchback area. The dashlights don't work. I removed the CD player. The seatcovers are starting to split. The door panels I made don't match the rest of the interior. The engine ran fine until a month ago when it blew a side seal. It has a steady miss that will require rebuilding to fix. It has always leaked copious amounts of oil.

The vehicle's classification is always estimated in a loud volume vocally as it is brought into the shop. Whenever it is a vehicle belonging to a co-worker we always make an initial assumption that it it a ROPOS. We adjust the assumption upon closer inspection.

Where does your car fit?