h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

§ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.


§ The darkest hours come just before the dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.


§ Sex is like air.
It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.


§ Don't aspire to become irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


§ Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.


§ Never forget that like everyone else, you are unique.


§ Never test the depth of the water with both feet.


§ If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments


§ Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


§ If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.


§ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


§ Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again?
It was probably worth it.


§ If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


§ Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.


§ Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.


§ Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.


§ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.


§ A closed mouth gathers no feet.


§ There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman.
Neither one works.


§ Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.


§ Never miss a good chance to shut up.


§ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


§ When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse.
From there on in, life gets worse


§ The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.


Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.


I stole this

I like the 'If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving' one

It's good stuff. I like Sex is like air.
It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

thats great, but the "there are 2 therioys of how to win an augument with a woman, and both are wrong" is a bit harsh, been female myself, i feel if you lot managed to structure an augument it would be to your benifit

Personally I don't do arguments if someone is shouting I leave them to it and finnish the conversation later.
It's harsh but true woman enjoy an argument from my experience I don't understand that.
Do you like to argue?

hate it if somone starts to rase their voice i tend to cower in the corrner or leve if i can, i prefurr debating, i actully run a clb for debating and public speeking in school. so no i dont tend to have auguments.

Thats the best way to talk problems over

or over and (i bribe people with nice food to come to debating) but its good fun *drinks more of her frut *

I don't argue because I can normally see where people are coming from

thats half the fun of debating; in the up coming competition we'r all having to ague aganst our own oppinions so we will definetly be able to see where our oposision are coming from.

( by the way (know i've probibly alredy asked this) how did i land talking to you? i'm not trying to be roude just i suddenly realised i cant remember; *looks at the tea* hmmm)

Pass I don't know. I probably saw your name and left you a message. Other than that I can't remember

*nods slowly looking worried* THATS COOL
*starts dancing round room for no apparent reason*
have you eaten maney pancakes?

No I'm at work it's poo. Have you?

i went to the kitchen to cook some and disided it was easer to get i cup of and go to bed, so i had none.

If I could make them I'd have them on a regular basis but they all end up wrong

*shakes her head* i'f i can manage to cook them they cant be that hard, look ok.
break and egg into a jug (scoop out any shell with a spoon)
wisk it with a fork
add in a spoon or 2 of flower
mix well
add milk till you have anouth batter
mix well again
heet some oil in a friing pan
por anouth batter to cover the botom of the pan
cook on medium heet for a cople of minets (or till it looks heated through)
turn it over with one of thoes flat wooden things
cook the second side for a cople of mins,
put on plate cover in sugger, role up and eat

see its not that dificult

All well on screen but when I cook I poison it's not my fault.
I can burn cornflakes.

HOW????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
even i dont manage that,

Well after putting on the milk then I put them in the toaster. Then all the milk falls through and the cornflakes Burn. How do I put them in the toaster without the milk falling through?

cornflakes shouldnt go in a toster!!!!!!!!!!!
oh dear