h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What is the deal with sleepless nights. No seriously. How do you keep yourself tired at the end of every day if you need to get up early the next day and say, make pasta or study for an exam. When do you just give up and look at porn all night. Now we could say porn is evil, porn is bad, but looking at porn is something that people do. It happens a lot so deal.

Take mankinds greates scientific advancements and within twenty years someone will be using it to masturbate.

I watched ALIENS tonight. Great freakin movie. I love the part where Bill Paxton whines like a little baby. Oh wait that is like the whole second half of the movie. "Game over man, were f*&%ed."

Bill Paxton is perhaps the best actor of all time when it comes to playing an annoying person. I would have to give him a runner up award though to Vince Vaugh. Vince Vaugh in Made...wow. I just wanted to shoot the television.

I drink a lot of diet coke. Probably too much as saccharine has been shown to cause cancer and impotence in laboratory animals. I also think that laboratory animals must suffer from a kind of incompetent malaise due to the un-changing environment.

Some people keep diaries that help them forget about all the crap that is running through thier heads so they can get a better nights sleep. I don't know about that but I could really go for some sleep right now. I have been trying to re-adjust my schedule to help me get up earlier.

I also have been performing an experiment this year in my educational career. I wanted to see if I could put out only 70% effort and still get a C average in my classes. I calculated that I would work my butt off for seven weeks of the term, and spend the other three weeks on my butt. This is Finals week and I have been studying pretty hard for my exams. I really don't care about the exams so much, as seeing my experiment in apathy through to the end. I hope that I can prove that the educational system is a waste of time. If you only need a C average to get a degree, cut out 30 percent of the material, and turn a five year degree back into a three year and one term degree.

Lord knows you will not use half the stuff you learn in your undergraduate carreer once you get into the working world. And if you do you will have to at least reacquaint yourself with the formulation of the science.

This doesn't even begin to speak about the uselessness of a non-science undergraduate college career. Take four years to get a degree in writing. But don't become a writer, because no degree will prove that you have what it takes to be worthy of a readership. Or maybe you are brilliant, but no one will ever read what you scribble on the back of napkins between movies down at the cinemaplex where you have struggled for ten years to push your way into a middle management, 20K a year job that won't feed a family.

A family...shit. Who has time to actually search for a companion, when there are television programs, internet gambling sites, george forman grills, instant messengers, cell phones, turkey on ryes, ten kinds of potato chips to choose from, eight hundred and seventy six channels of pornography to watch, six billion terabytes of porn to look at, but only forty gigs on your hard drive. Download, upload, channel surf, text message, two way, three way, menage a tois, seed and leech. Surf the inconsiquential, super-highway of smut. Watch every episode of the Real Gilligan's Island. Leak your life essence out of you one trip to the bathroom at a time.

What for? Why all the hussle and bussle? We are hardons seeking holes. No time to enjoy life. Get where you are headed. Don't have enough money, enough sex, enough time.

What I wish is a pretty long list:

I wish I was in better shape. I wish I had a bigger penis. I wish I had a smart and funny woman to share my bed with. I wish I had no debt. I wish I could live somewhere where it was green all the time, but didn't rain all the time. I wish the radio in my car worked. I wish I was done with school. I wish I didn't have to go to work. I wish I could drink bourbon every day. I wish I didn't drink so much. I wish I had a more comfortable bed. I wish I could afford to live alone. I wish my family was happy. I wish I could go to lunch with my brother tomorrow. I wish I had some chocholate chip cookies.

Four Oclock