h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wow, what a week, time to chill out.

Bought a powered wheelchair a short while ago on eBay, brilliant deal, great chair, until I rode it across the Lounge floor. The carpet I had laid so carefully a year or two back when I could walk wasn't up to the job and rode up in front like a bow wave (foam underlay).

Sought advice from out friendly local carpet merchant about laminate flooring, said no-way, it's expensive and will be wrecked in no time by powered wheels. he suggested a 'double stickdown', ie, good carpet glued to a rubber membrane which in turn was stuck to the floor, expensive but still cheaper and more durable than decent laminate @£35.00sq metre.

Went down to the showroom, Boss already had an idea what colour she wanted and after a while shouted 'that's it, that's the one', man smiles and says she has just chosen the most hardwearing contract carpet on the premises and the adds that it is also the most expensive, Quack looks , Boss looks , followed by ..Boss gets best....

Company owner walks in, known him for years but don't see him much lately, now has loads of Wharehouses and meggabrass, exchange greetings, seems surprised to see me in a wheelchair, say "hey, what about this then Bill", knocks me 90 quid off - result ..

Spent most of Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday clearing house, carpet is going in front Hall, Lounge, Dining room and mid passage.

Fitted today, brilliant, carpet was so heavy fitters said it didn't need a double stick, and secured it straight to floor, good job, it's so thick that with underlay membrane we would have had to have all the doors planed.

Needed new Garage doors, side hinged, wooden, oversize, don't want up and over, I can't manage then in a wheelchair. Had to be Joiner made and should have been fitted last week but the joiner had problems with another job and came mid morning on Monday and completed on Tuesday.

Came in over budget (of course)..again but they will see me out and look like they were craftsman made.

Daughter and her Husband will either get a Divorce or kill each other before the end of next week, not sure which would be the best option the way they are performing

Son has decided they want a Dog, just like the one Mam and Dad had (Border Collie), he's in for some trouble, they are brilliant and very intelligent, but you can't turn them on and off like a telly, he had better be ready to give it some time. They will never find another like our old Ben (R.I.P.)

I contributed to a Local Radio website for years with a sub-page all of my own, I've known for a while that the main page operator and the BEEB had been at loggerheads and now the BEEB have pulled the plug on him so bang goes my page as well

Wrote a limerick as a bit of fun for a company making chocolate biscuits and sent them it by e-mail for a laugh. To my astonishment they sent me a Tay Tumbler (Edinburgh Crystal) whisky glass with a thank you note for my interest

Good Friday tomorrow, supposed to be warm and bright, time for planting container grown new potatoes, and early salad stuff under cloches.

Might even find time for a skirmish or two with that laid back lot of Damsels and Knights, time they got stirred up a bit

Your absence was noted! But after having read the above, you are excused

Thanks BB, I needed that

~waves~

Must read this later - I've got to hurry off back home for now

~jumps and waves~

When I was young that usually meant someone had a 'promise on' Alex

* off to google it*

*returns unsuccessful*

What does that mean?

I can't find it the web either, must be an expression known only to the Woad covered Northerners.

Means having a pre-arranged clandestine meeting for the purpose of sexual activity (gender/nature/marital status as per your requirement).

I should have known...

Big Southern Jessies know that expression too In fact, I thought everybody knew what it meant

Well I didn't

That figures, everything's a three monther with you lot ain't it

What does that mean then?

Well you have to wait for an assessment by an ologist, then plan an ectomy and have it tested for osis, isis, onas and piles wouldn't you?

I'm a first year - I'll be directed to cut it up carefully, layer by layer, only to find it has a structure-destroying inoma...

Oh yeah, I forgot about them, they are right buggers aren't they.

First years or carcinomas?