h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Small animals are evil. I have a (herd) of rabbits that are plotting against me.... it's horrible. gah!

Ah, well... rabbits are like that, people think they're all inoccent and sweet with their twitchy noses and their floppy ears... Fools, fools FOOLS! The lot of them. Bunnies are the heralds of the The End Times!

"TIM:
Too late!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
What?
TIM:
There he is!
ARTHUR:
Where?
TIM:
There!
ARTHUR:
What, behind the rabbit?
TIM:
It is the rabbit.
ARTHUR:
You silly sod!
TIM:
What?
ARTHUR:
You got us all worked up!
TIM:
Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
TIM:
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
ROBIN:
You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
TIM:
Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
GALAHAD:
Get stuffed!
TIM:
He'll do you up a treat, mate.
GALAHAD:
Oh, yeah?
ROBIN:
You mangy Scots git!
TIM:
I'm warning you!
ROBIN:
What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM:
He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
ARTHUR:
Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS:
Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!
TIM:
Look!
[squeak]
BORS:
Aaaugh!
[dramatic chord]
[clunk]
ARTHUR:
Jesus Christ!
TIM:
I warned you!
ROBIN:
I done it again!"

Not from memory like used to be able to quote the film...

Yay! me loves me some monty python

Of course you do, you are woman of fine tastes and distinction.

I used to be able to quote pretty much any part of Holy Grail or Life Of Brian I was asked to from memory... Now it's pretty much just 'Ni'.

Eke, Eke, Eke, Pakang Whiz Bang.......Ni...... Shhhhh!

Here's a sketch that not everyone has seen...


Scene 1: The Relationship of Men and Sheep
The sketch:
holy music
"MORRIS: I love sheep.
SHEPHERD #2: So do I. Terrific animals. Terrific.
MORRIS: No trouble.
SHEPHERD #2: No, no trouble.
SHEPHERD #1: Except at shearing. They can play up a bit, then; can't they?
MORRIS: Oh, yeah, but I like that sort of little burst of frenzy they have then, you know. I like it when they get a little bit angry. Shows they're human.
SHEPHERD #1: Oh, yeah. I-- I-- I'm not saying I dislike them at shearing, you know, but they can be a bit of a handful; can't they?
MORRIS: Well, so would you be if you had a great pair of scissors snippin' away while someone held your back legs apart.
SHEPHERD #1: Hm.
MORRIS: You'd wiggle a bit. You'd kick up a bit of a fuss. Heh.
SHEPHERD #1: Yeah, I-- I'm not saying I just expect them to stand around in the fields and nibble the grass and look a bit pretty. I-- I'm not saying that.
SHEPHERD #2: Oh, but they are pretty; aren't they?
MORRIS: Yeah.
SHEPHERD #1: Oh, yeah.
SHEPHERD #2: I mean, look at that one over there against the sky. The white of the coat, the little black face against the twinkling stars beyond.
MORRIS: Yes. Aww. Terrific.
SHEPHERD #1: Mhm.
MORRIS: Terrific animals.
SHEPHERD #1: Mm.
SHEPHERD #2: The little lambs in springtime.
MORRIS: Oh.
SHEPHERD #1: Ahh.
MORRIS: The lambs, eh? Now you're talking. They're lovely, eh? I love them.
SHEPHERD #2: Oh, so do I, Morris. I love them more than anything. Little white furry bundles.
SHEPHERD #1: Mhmm.
MORRIS: I think, of all God's creatures, sheep have the best offspring.
SHEPHERD #2: Oh, yes. Terrific animals.
MORRIS: Mm.
SHEPHERD #2: Terrific.
SHEPHERD #1: Yeah. They're so sure-footed.
SHEPHERD #2: Hm.
MORRIS: And quick-witted.
SHEPHERD #1: Are they quick-witted?
MORRIS: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're quite, uh, quick-witted.
SHEPHERD #1: Mhm.
SHEPHERD #2: Always cheerful. Hmm.
SHEPHERD #1: Well, except at shearing. Hehhehheh.
MORRIS: Why are you always on about shearing?
SHEPHERD #1: I'm not always on about it, Morris.
MORRIS: You are a great deflater, you are.
SHEPHERD #1: He was--
MORRIS: Of all the moments in their little lives, you unerringly put your finger on the one moment where they lose a little bit of dignity. Well, I regard that as cheap, quite honestly.
SHEPHERD #2: Oh, look! Look. One of them's looking up at us. Heh. He knows we're talkin' about him. sniff
SHEPHERD #1: Morris, don't get me wrong. I actually like their behaviour at shearing. I actually like them when they get a little bit cross. I find that endearing.
MORRIS: That's the fantastic thing. They're beautiful to look at, well-disposed, quite quick-witted, and yet, tough as nails.
SHEPHERD #2: sniff
MORRIS: sniff
SHEPHERD #2: You know, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch sheep.
MORRIS: Mmm.
SHEPHERD #1: The only other animals that I would be remotely interested in watching would be cats.
MORRIS: They don't have flocks of cats.
SHEPHERD #1: No, I-- I'm not saying they do, Morris.
MORRIS: Can you imagine a herds of cats waiting to be sheared? Meow! Meow! Woo hoo hoo.
SHEPHERD #2: Shh! Shh. I heard something over there.
MORRIS: Wolves?
SHEPHERD #2: Could be.
MORRIS: Where?
SHEPHERD #2: Over there.
MORRIS: Right.
thump thump
Take that, you buggers!
SHEPHERD #4: Oowhh.
SHEPHERD #2: That's not a wolf.
SHEPHERD #4: S-- Gordon Bennett!
SHEPHERD #3: ungh What did you do that for!?
MORRIS: I thought he was a wolf.
SHEPHERD #3: You hit him right in the face!
MORRIS: Well, he shouldn't come snooping 'round like that.
SHEPHERD #3: You wait till you hear what we've just seen! The most incredible things just happened!
SHEPHERD #4: Don't tell 'em. Owhh.
SHEPHERD #3: We were on the hillside over there when this amazing-
SHEPHERD #4: Don't tell them! They broke my bloody nose!
SHEPHERD #3: Can't I tell them about the amazing th--
SHEPHERD #4: No! Oohh.
SHEPHERD #3: Well, they said we were to tell everybody!
SHEPHERD #4: Not people who break your bloody nose! Come on.
SHEPHERD #1: Where are you going?
SHEPHERD #3: Bethlehem.
SHEPHERD #4: Nowhere! Good night. Uhh.
MORRIS: That's right! Leave your sheep! Leave them to the wolves! Call yourselves shepherds?! You're a disgrace to the profession!
SHEPHERD #2: Huh. What a rotten thing to do,...
MORRIS: Yeah.
SHEPHERD #2: ...to go and leave those little helpless furry bundles alone on the hillside.
holy music fades in
MORRIS: So they can go down to Bethlehem and get drunk.
pause
SHEPHERD #1: Is it A.D. yet?
MORRIS: Quarter past."

Heh...I love that....

I accidently hit one yesterday morning. I told you they were plotting against me....

A Python?... Oh a rabbit.

Yes a bunny, made me very sad indeed. My little brother was going around all day going "she killed a bunny, she killed a bunny" mind you he's fourteen and well a younger brother.