h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

10,03,04

This is the third day we didn't talk and i am surprisingly calm.
I wonder how long the break will be or if you'll ever get in touch again.
I really miss talking to you, it's very strange to be cut off from every information about you, I ask myself how you are, what you are doing, whether you miss talking to me too.
I ask myself how it would be if you contacted me again, keeping at a safe distance, how I would cope with that, whether I'd be able to bear it or not.I'm afraid you'd never again let me get that near you, I've probably hurt and scared you too much, and the problem is, that my emotions for you haven't changed, but everything else has.
It would be great if i could just take a time out, not doing anything, just sleeping..
I've never before spent so much time curled up in bed, trying to lock out everything, trying to sleep so I don't have to think.
It's irrational, but somehow i'm still waiting and hoping that you will forgive me and perhaps give me a last chance, i'm so sad that i was such a failure in making you happy.
I'm still trying to analyse what made me react the way I did and why, but the only things I can up with are that I overreacted because I felt ignored and pushed back.I've been ignored for so many years, I'm very vulnerable the moment I think I'm being ignored by somebody who is so important to me. This is only showing my lack of confidence, I thought I wasn't worth being talked to, all my fears overwhelmed me once again.The knowledge that there would never be a WE didn't improve my mood, although it didn't prevent me from wishing that there could be a We in the very far future.But then again i tried to be realistic, i think that's why i set all my hopes in a meet in summer- to enjoy your presence just once in my life.Now i have spoilt everything and i'll have to live with it.
I wish i could send this to you, but it's impossible, I promised not to bother you again but it costs me all my willpower to keep this promise, i want to talk to you , to hold you tight, to look into your eyes, to apologise, but it's too late, i'll never have the chance to do so.