h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, extension one please. Hello? Yes, I’d like to speak to… Oh it’s you. Answering your own phone eh, I would’ve thought that if anyone had a receptionist it would’ve been you. Sorry? What was that? Oh, right, staying with family in Eastbourne. Well, yes, I hope it stays fine for her too. Oh I’m sorry, its Brian here in 12a. Well, I know I’ve only just got here but I’ve one or two things to ask. No, the fruit basket was lovely, thank you. Yes, I did enjoy the complimentary wine. No, I had the corned beef sandwich. Well, true, maybe not the best choice with a Rioja, but I’d had a big lunch and then watched the football, did you see it? Oh right, yes, fair enough. Of course you’re busy. I realise that. It’s just one or two things really, but I don’t seem to have any fresh towels in my room… no, the maid has been, oh yes, the bed was turned down and the slippers and robe were very comfy, thank you. It’s just the fact that, well, the accident did leave me in a bit of a mess and I was hoping to clean up a bit before going to bed. Sorry? Yes, it was a bit unfortunate and I was hoping for a few more years, but hey-ho and all that. Yes, well, with hindsight maybe I should have just ran over the thing, but you see so many of the little fellas lying squashed on the roadside and I didn’t want to add to the list… What? Loss and breakages are all accounted for in the budget, and you have a new shipment delivered every month. You know something, it would’ve been nice if you could have told us about that, some sign or something somewhere, just a thought. And while we are talking about the accident, just when did you put that tree there? Because I’ve driven round that bend a hundred times and I’ve never noticed that tree before. Last Wednesday! Really? It didn’t look new. Is it really, the new Linda Barker range? Well I never. Well it hurt for bit to start with but after a while I felt fine. The cuts have stopped bleeding and the bark imprint on my forehead has started to fade, so things are on the up and up. Oh and that’s another thing, how come I’m still in my old clothes? I thought we all had white suits and things. Casual Fridays? Oh right. No, I’m not keen myself. I was quite looking forward to the white suit.
Yes, there is something else while I have you on the line. It seems a tad trivial really, but there isn’t a great deal of choice in the DVD library. No, I love the Laurel and Hardy stuff, really I do. But there’s a few too many Woody Allen films for my liking. Well, I like a bit of action myself. No, I’ve never been a romantic comedy kind of guy. Bridget Jones? No thanks. You do? Really? Can’t stand the woman myself. It’s her eyes I think, she always looks like she’s been chopping onions. Do you have Die hard instead? Oh good. And I can pick it up when? Oh right, you’ll get them to bring it over with the clean towels.
No, nothing else for now, but I would like a word at some stage about the patio and the rules for barbeques. Oh and what day is bin day? Oh right, that’s all in the welcome pack. Ok then, well I expect I’ll see you about at some stage. A game of golf? No, sorry, I don’t play. If you have a Squash court I’d be up for that. Oh good. Say Monday at eleven? Look forward to it.
Bye then.