h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, here's the deal. My dad has cancer, and we've known this for about eight or nine years or something like that. Earlier this year, the tablet he had been taking to control it stopped working, and now he's seeing doctors all the time, and apparently his cancer is getting much worse really quickly, so I think he's gonna go onto some kind of experimental treatment... But my dad is fully peaking because he doesn't know how long he's got left, and he doesn't even know if he'll live long enough to see our new houses that we're moving into reasonably early next year.

Now, I have never really been close to my dad. But now my dad is fully worrying and stuff, and always getting me to hug him even though I don't want to, and earlier today when I was watching TV, he came and sat down next to me and was just holding my hand. So now I think I should avoid giving him opportunities to do stuff like that, because I am just worried that if I spend any time with him, I might end up getting attached to him, which I don't want because I know that he won't be around for long, and if I get close to him before he dies, I might not be able to take his death.

What should I do? I mean... he's an old man who is afraid, I shouldn't just avoid him. *sighs*

Dear, if you're really asking for advice, I'll happily give you mine.

By the simple fact that he is your Dad, he already atleast deserves your respect. So please respect his wish to get to know you better. He perhaps has realized his mistake in not trying earlier and is trying to make it right while he can. You don't need to leap into his arms, or force affections, they will happen naturally or not. Just take what you can get.

You WILL hurt, either way, quite badly when his time does come. But if you avoid him, or push him away now, you will have many more years to regret what you missed. The opportunity to know him properly.

No rant here, young friend, just my views.

I agree with the Reverend, if you're looking for advice

Hmmm.... yeah....... that's probably the right thing to do... but I am still scared.

I can understand the scared. It has to be your choice. But I really do think you would regret it if you let the chance pass by.

I really only got to know my Grad-dad his last 10 months, and I am glad. He was a remarkable man.

Hmmm... but my dad has been an *sshole all my life. I mean, it's not uncommon for me to hear him saying to mum how much he hates me and stuff... There's other stuff I could say about him, but I won't.

Hello darling... the Rev asked me to look into this thread and see if I could advise you in anyway...

I can only give you some of VV's A pages from when her father died last year.. the anniversary of which will be coming up at the end of this month..

Please just take a look at the following, they just might be of help:-

A1103978 Visiting My Father

A1127440 Bye Dad


and my message to her after I read the above pages:-

F100443?thread=393236 Mummy Calling


I certainly hope these pages will be of help to you, or perhaps you could contact VV directly.


Love,

lil xxx

I've read them... They made me cry, and now I am even more scared to get attached to my dad. I'm not a strong enough person to take the death of someone I care about. *sighs* I wish I could just move away and not let anyone know where I am so I can try to trick myself into believing he's still alive once he's dead because no one will be able to tell me when he passes away.

You are, and everyone who knows you will support you.

Thanks...

*sighs*

...

Danielle, we are ALL here for you

You only have to call.

lil xx

As Lil says,

, dear girl

*looks around at her friends tryingto support her, then just puts her head in her hands and cries*

Oh well... I'll have a while left with him... which I am not really sure is a good thing. I've started panicing now that he's starting with this next experimental treatment, which means I'll be stuck in this state of fear for a long time, which is not good... *sighs and goes back to crying*

If only awhile, then maybe save the tears for when they're really needed? And take every minute you can? I know I'm going nowhere, friend.

Hunny....if you want to read the complete back ground of what happened between myself and my father then read this...<./>A858130</.>

Danielle. It will hit you hard and it will bowl you over. I had no affection for my father before he died...still not sure how I feel now, but if you have contact with your dad, you must use your friends as support. H2G2 really helped me. The last 12 months have been horrendous for me and my family. Friends are good.

If you want to chat or cry on my shoulder...just yell

sorry - wrong link <./>A898130</.>

Mum has already given you the other links.....

Ok, I have now read that too.

Anyway... it would seem that everyone is advising me to get to know my dad... but why? I mean, he's a total *sshole who made the lives of my brother and sister and I a living hell... well, maybe not that bad. But he's a sh*t parent. He's always been a sh*t parent, I assume he was a sh*t parent back when he was raising Bronwyn, Leanne and Andrea too. I mean, Leanne is someone who actually has to go and stay in mental hospitals every now and then when she just can't cope with her life anymore. And the other two seem a little bit f*cked in the head as well. The only explanation I have for this is how awful dad is. *sighs* So why exactly do I wanna get to know him?

It's a difficult situation love.

I hadn't had any contact (or very very little) for 18 years. Your dad is trying to make amends.

OK - this is going to hurt now...

Danielle. He is going to die. Don't let him die thinking he had wronged you. It would be a horrible thought thinking as you die that someone didn't love you. Trust me. I know.

The anniversary of my father's death is in 20 days time. I'm still confused as to how to deal with it. Have been over the past year.

Danielle. Don't look at the past - look at the here and now. Take things on face value as to what they appear to be.

You're a very young child who has to now grow up very fast. The choices are still yours, but I strongly urge you to make your piece with your father, because once he's gone, you will never have that chance again.

My father died in the knowledge that myself and my sister were there...forgiving him all that he had done wrong in the past.

Death is the time to do this if you've not done it before. It's the last chance you will ever get.

I know what I have written above is strong and will upset you, but you must understand the repercusions of what your actions will do.

We're all here for you, remember that

*peace


... You're right, that did hurt. *sighs* I know you're right... I should try to love him now, and then worry about what will happen after he's dead once he's gone... *sighs and avoids crying because she has a big enough headache already*

crying is good. There are physical reasons for needing to cry. You get a build up of this chemical in your brain and to get rid of it, your body needs to cry.

I'm sorry I was so strong, because I know exactly what you're going through.

If I'd had the guts to ask my father one question before he died, I would have asked him why he didn't have contact with us for 18 years. I didn't have the guts and perhaps that was for the best.

I will never know now.

One evening when it's just you and your Dad, cuddle up with him on the sofa and ask him the questions you need to ask. If he gets upset, just hug him and tell him you love him. You obviously do love him or else you wouldn't be as confused and upset as you are now.

Make a list of questions you want to ask him and consider what you think the answers will be. If you actually already know the answers, then don't ask the questions, but if there is something you really do want the answer to, then just ask. You dad will understand why you're doing it.

You're not the only one who's crying now