h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 I'll answer that question with a question: what is this whole thing all about, anyway?! You see, I don't know. If I ever figure it out, I'll be sure to tell you, buddy, but until I do, you're gonna have to research it for yourself. However, I would like to strongly advise you not to take the aforementioned course of action. This is because I myself have had one hell of a rough time of it all and hey, let's face it, kiddo, you just couldn't handle it. I mean, it kicked my ass thoroughly and if that doesn't discourage a puny little one like yourself, then I don't know how I'm gonna get it through your skull that you just don't have what it takes. That's all I wanted to say, kiddo. Take 'er easy, eh?