h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The big day finally arrives. After spending time preparing the orders of service the night before and then finishing off the speech it's time to do the job and get the groom to the church on time. Everyone is all dressed up and not really knowing exacly what's going on. Have the first of the pictures done, the photographer knows what he's doing and how to set everyone up.
Into the church, make sure I've still got the rings in my jacket pocket. Say hello to the minister (again someone who seems like he's done this before judging from the rehersal last night). Sit down at the front and wait. And wait. The church fills up and still we wait. Finally with a nod from the back it's time to stand up.
Watch and listen as the bride and groom say their vows. Get the rings ready and hold on to them with a sweaty palm and then make sure I don't drop them on the floor when passing them over to the minister. That done I can sit down again till the signing of the register. Move up to where it's all happening and stand round not doing much along with the bridesmaids and the parents. Then it's time to walk out of the church.
The photographer then asks me to help with crowd control for the photos. Half the time it doesn't seem to be working when I try and get people who should be there into the photos. Eventually it's time to go to the bottom of the drive for the confetti shot. At this point I would like to get over to the reception but I'm asked to be on a couple more with the bridesmaids at a local scenic spot. At least we're in the sun and a bit warmer there. All done we head over to the reception where I can get a drink.
Eventually we sit down to the food. A nice meal is served and after coffee it's time for me to do the other main job with the speeches.
After managing to make a gaff by intoducing the bride's father as the groom's father I sit down and just want the world to go away.
All too soon the bride's father and the groom have finished their speeches and it's my turn. Thank goodness I've got the speech written down. I try and remember all those pointers on acting and speaking I've been given - look at the audience, speak loudly, clearly and slowly, pause till it's painfull.
Everyong seems to laugh in the right places and the speech seems to go down well. Finally I can sit down, relax and enjoy myself.
It seems like the groom thought I was going to be much worse with the speech and I was thanked for making it nice and tame.
As for the rest of the evening, the bar opened and so I spent time drinking and doing some barn dancing and then just dancing when the band played a few blues/rock numbers. I managed to speak to a few people I've not seen in a long while.
Eventually it's all over and time to goto the hotel and off to bed, very, very tired.
Thanks for asking me to be your best man Paul, but if anyone else asks I'll have to think long and hard...

I'll bet you did a great speech, I'd love to have been a fly on the wall

He did a great job

Turned a very deep pink colour (nicely matching my dress ) when he made that little gaff with mixing up the dads!

(and looked lovely in that suit and stuff too )

Sounds like it all worked, so you must have done your job fine. I found it pretty damn nervewracking when I did it too, but so long as the bride and groom enjoyed it, nothing else matters.

It sounds like a lovely wedding, Phil!