h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/A27528069


I have no idea now how to start a conversation! Anyway, I submitted the above new story to the Alternative Workshop tonight and I'd love comments as it's the first thing i've managed to write in awhile....

basically i know it's totally unpolished, and that the syntax and structure leave a lot to be desired.......

but i suppose all i really want to know is, have i conveyed any truth...even in this first draft of a story.... is he someone oyu might care for?

anyway, all comments welcome...

thanks

Your question was - is he someone you might care for?

For me, towards the end of the story, he might have been developing into the sort of man I could care for. But it's obvious this man had huge flaws. He's been very work driven - and workaholics are never very attractive. So although I can perhaps understand him, and even empathise with him, for me, it isn’t surprising that his partner left him.

People are usually work driven for a reason. Perhaps it’s a way of avoiding oneself. So I would have liked to have read more about what was going on with him – and what was making him so emotionally unavailable.

But the story does ring true. because sometimes it does takes something like this to happen in your life for you to realize…

And it’s very well written – as your writing always is. Have you, or are you going to do anything else with this story?