h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

drinking in the bath is the best measure of decadence I have yet found.
Speaking as a true decadent (did you know you need three and a third tridents to make a decadent) I like nothing better than to take a large, make that a pint, of gin and tonic ( who needs pan-galactic gargle blasters ?) into a hot bath, with candles, reading material and a smoke.....aah bliss.

I only drink the bath when I spill my G&T into it !

Dear Uncle Ugly,
Must admit that I rather enjoyed my first attempt at decadence in the bath. However, would you think that buying a rubber duck would be pushing my credibility just a little too far.
As far as the smoke is concerned, the rolling machine ruins the papers and they get all stuck together, so I then have to either eat it or dissolve it the the drink, where am I going wrong?
Mutter, mutter, mutter.....

Greetings Proff

the trick is to get someone to buy you the rubber duck, mine is bright yellow and called arnie. He was bought as a christmas gift several years ago by a friend who heard me admiring the duck on the cover of the vinyl version of H2g2.
As to the problem with papers, the answer is simple ; if you are on your own roll up before entering the bath, place geeenantonix on the bath side with the ashtray, dry your haands on the strategically placed towel, spark up, slurp and decadate.
If on the other hand you have a feisty handmaiden (or master, if that is your wish) get in the bath, allow them to present you with the aforementioned goodies, and if they do it well enough allow them the priviledge of washing your back as a reward.


Aaaahhhhh......true decadence.


Hope this solves your problems !

Dear UncaUgly,
Am about to dive in the bath, best I can manage is some cheap Port from the local Co-Op. Tried to convince one of the staff at the shop on the benefits of scrubbing my back, she gave me a very prompt reply!

Any self respecting duck can only be called Eric.

As one who has been drinking in the bath for YEARS, I can only say I am surprised that you had not discovered the true pleasure of this pastime before! It can only be improved upon, if the tub is decadently large enough, by the addition of a shapely young lady, where you may soak away the hours together discussing the Ugandan Affairs...

I too, am surprised it has taken me that long, as for the other thing, there is the problem of a big enough bath at the moment.
Never took you as a decadent being G.A.
So now I have a decadent philosopher, have you a rubber duck yet?

Yet to find a rubber duck that is decadent enough.

All I got was a mouthful of feathers..........
Now that ID Decadent!

My duck has no self respect....how can he (a) with a name like arnie and (b) having watched the things I do in the bath anyone (animal,mineral,vegetable or polyvinylchloride) would run screaming from the concept of self respect.
Perhaps if you wish to be truly decadent you must turn your back on the environmental benefits of shopping local and purchase your alcohol from more up-market establishments....you can then truly lay claim to decadence by inviting the shop assistant from the CO-OP to partake of your expensive drinks....and then lead on to other things AFTER you have convinced her you are only interested in her mind.
Hope this is of help.

Ugandan affairs....another private eye reader ?

As to political correctness, already covered !

Oh Dear, and I thought that this would be a simple matter to resolve.
Well, it is going to be another bottle of port tonight, followed by caramel bananas.
Every time I try the "I am only interested in your mind" bit, the answer is,
"I am saving it till I get married". The mind boggles.
The other option is too rude!
The whole world is Quacking up I tell you.

I would certainly not ask the shop assistant from the CO-OP to share my bath, drunk or not. He's far too ugly! And I am old enough to be the father of any of the female staff. I realise that for true decadence this should not prevent me trying, but I find that the enchantment of being told to "**** off!" palls after a while.

the world passed the point of entropy long ago and as a result has completely quacked up.
As to being told to piss off, obviously you are being too subtle (not), try more charm and less haste. Remember the higher your try rate the higher the hit rate. Q.V. picking people up with trees.

Pass the soap number 2, there's a good chap.

UM, more geenantonex anyone ?

Nah, it is the mushroom season after all.............
Chill out Dudes!

finding the little buggers....thats the problem !

Any good fields in your area ?

Yep!