h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Christmas is one of those things which Gothly and I generally go along with because it's expected of us. If we didn't buy presents for certain family members, they'd be terribly hurt and bewildered. My father and brother view Christmas in much the same bah-humbug way, and my grandmother bowed gracefully out of the whole palaver in the early Nineties; she was forgiven this act, because she is an old lady and she wears purple.

So I was rather taken aback when Gothly announced that we will be having a Proper Christmas this year. It seems that we will be getting a tree, complete with fairy-lights and a pile of presents round the bottom; and Gothly will be cooking an actual Christmas roast dinner on Christmas Day.

"What have you done with Gothly!" I demanded of the doppelganger, but the doppelganger just smiled and instructed me to invite my dad to stay for Christmas.

"My *dad*? What on Earth for"

"Because Christmas is a family occasion," explained the doppelganger defensively, "and we've never spent a single Christmas with him."

"" I replied, trying to picture my dad doing a Family Christmas with us. But I dutifully, and with some embarrassment, phoned him up and invited him, and he, with some embarrassment, declined. Then I smoothed the doppelganger's ruffled feathers.

I do not know what has happened to Gothly, but I'm hoping that, if I quietly go along with the doppelganger's wishes for now, I'll be able to piece together enough information to form a rescue plan.

Judging by the 4400 on Sky1, Gothly has been abducted by aliens and it is the secret lawyer/PA who is suggesting that it would be advisable to put on a show of getting on with the relatives so that no-one becomes suspicious. Either that or Gothly (or mysterious advisor) thinks that you have been abducted by aliens and that is instead the direction in which the suspicions are supposed to be allayed.

Incidentally, people posting that sort of identity rumour to a website was what got another character on the programme into trouble. So, if either you or Gothly is an abductee or doppelganger, you can can now expect hordes of people who recognise you from your former life to turn up again as a baying mob with the equivalent of torches and pitchforks.

PS If Gothly now has feathers, does that affect the doppelganger hypothesis at all?

Prediction: SEF's hidden post contains a cunning rescue plan.

(I can live in hope.)

If you find Gothly reading Tennyson and listening to the Incredible String Band, then you’re in trouble!

That hasn't happened so far, but the points SEF makes are interesting, because the doppelganger has spent all afternoon messing with my mind and hinting that maybe *I* am the doppelganger. I tried pointing out that, if that were the case, I'd remember my previous life, but the just agreed with me in a very humouring-me sort of way. I asked, "what would be the point, though, in making me a doppelganger if I didn't remember becoming one?"

"Indeeed!" smarmed the ; "what would be the *point*? Just don't go reading any books by Philip K. Dick."

And, having just seen your post, Quixote, It added: "you weren't interested in Tennyson and the Incredible String Band two days ago."

I suppose the key question is whether you prefer the doppelganger? "The Man in the Iron Mask" and "Sommersby" included that issue.

I read Valis once, and if someone had told me I was a doppelganger after that, I might of believed them.

You just need to wear a tin foil hat, and all will become clear...

You're the third person to mention tin foil hats today. There's something very strange going down....

You are actually only dreaming all this. When we snap our fingers, you will wake up & realise you were a all along.

zdt

If Snaily were to wake up as something else, I would expect she would be a hedgehog. Hedgehogs are rabidly insectivorous and gastropodivorous, would displace their hunger into the sympathy we know she has for the small interesting things of life.

A ? That's alright, then. Phew! I was beginning to think I might be an .

Simulpost with Sea Change.

How dare you! I am not a hedgehog!

...Although, invertebrates are the least inedible-looking members of the animal kingdom....

Echidna maybe? Or porcupine? I'm sure i noticed a quill in that parcel you sent me, check your spines, quick, now, maybe this is at the root of the problem, for all you know, Gothly may be silently chewing away at your prickly bits while you sleep...stranger things have happened at sea m'lud!

http://ypcommando.com/images/hedgehog.jpg

zdt

Awwww!

Waiiit a darn minnit.... What are you all siding with the for? Why have you suddenly all decided that *I'm* the doppelganger? It's GOTHLY who's gone all weird. GOTHLY.

YOU'RE IN ON IT TOO!



(Does aluminium foil work like tin foil? How about clingfilm?)

The sillier it looks, the better it’ll work...

I've been told that because sparkly dealybobbers waggle back and forth across your head as you walk, they intercept the larger wavelenths.

Now, you're not trying to make me look like a gullible pratt, are you? I'm putting my trust in you guys, you know.

"I suppose the key question is whether you prefer the doppelganger?"

The jury's out on that one. I'll let you know in the morning.

Never mind tinfoil, or clingfilm. I have it on top authority *classified information this from French Foreign Legion*

That the answer to all these problems & more is:

Wine corks
wooden clothes pegs
raffia
bamboo
kitchen paper

Armed with these items & a swiss army knife you can conquer empires; build bridges, achieve world dominance, make your mother happy & bonk whoever you fancy.

zdt*in love with total lunatic*

It's terribly hard to find wooden clothes pegs these days. *sigh*

Readily available here, and cheap, shall i post you some?


zdt