h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm proud to announce that I'm among the most impure of humanity! Yes, I took the "purity" test on http://www.thespark.com and found out that I was among the 10% of the MOST IMPURE!

I also found out that I was highly un-telligent. "You kick ass" was what they told me. That's another test on the same site. Another thing I found out was that I'm going to have 6 lovers, all female, and I'm not going to get laid until next year. I'll love 1 of them.

I guess it kind've choked when I told it "?" in the "number of lovers" category. Because, I honestly don't know how many people I've screwed. There were days with 2 or more, when I was younger- and a lotta those days I was in teenage wasteland. Some things are simply dreams- until someone tells you a few days later in the club what you did that night was real.

Then you go, "Wow. I did that?"

There were orgies, and times you chased the cat through the bushes, because you were playing "I want some pussy" with the girl you'd driven home in her new lincoln. All seen through a glass, darkly- if you know what I mean.

I guess I'm probably just so evil no web-based tool could ever measure it's depths!

That's not the scary thing, though. The scary thing is there's people out there who're MORE evil than me! There's people out there who answered "yes" to the "have you kissed a family member in 'that way'" question! There's people who answered yes to the whips-and-chains stuff (not that that can't be exciting!). THATS what's scary!
There's some truly sick folk out there.

I should know, I'm one of them.

I've also dropped out of the Mayorial race. It's a tactical maneuver. You gotta keep 'em all off-balance! You gotta keep 'em wondering! Then hit 'em with the punchline!

All I've got to say is, we DID have Dick Nixon to kick around for a few more years!