h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 

It's after 3:00 PM so I guess that's a decent hour. I showered before bed, brushed my teeth and all that rot, so I don't have to do anything but get up, fix me something icy-cold to drink, plop down in my comfortable computer-chair, lite up a ciagarette, and click to connect to the old net-a-roo!

Before I went to bed this morning, I spoke with a buddy who runs a bbs locally (one of those dinosaurs of the digital age, where people from round-about your OWN neighborhood used to connect and do basically all the same things we do on the net today- some of 'em actually had net feeds, which is how I learned about the internet in the first place- also how I gained a fondness for the lynx browser, which is amazingly fast and simple, if you're just looking for information, files, and other things which can do without the multimedia bells-and-whistles.

Why can I keep such evil hours, you might ask? It's simple- currently my "job" consists of learning COMPUTER LANGUAGES ("C", tcl/tk, java, and javascript at the nonce) while collecting a CHECK FROM THE GOVERNMENT each month! I'm in REHABILITATION after being driven BATTY by even BATTIER WOMEN!

Ah, tis a long tale- full of narcissistic personalities, borderline personalities, heroin, rock-stars, wanna-be-rock-stars (yes, I'm one of those), CRACK-rock stars, poets, artists, and general loonies!

I shall have my revenge! I shall LIVE BETTER THAN THE LOT OF THEM!

Notice how I ramble on, and say a lot more when I'm fresh out of bed, than when I'm about snookered from the days activities? Yes, I get snookered- because I probably spend more time in "school" than your average college student- only I don't have to deal with tight-assed professors, loonie "womens-studies" majors who think you want to rape them because you may have glanced at them once or twice, and the rest of the things which have made University a "male-hostile" place.

I have one thing to say to them: "PENIS!"

"PENIS!" is a word sacred to ,,oBo,,- a lyst WORSHIP-WORD (remember the star-trek episode where the Yangs had a "worship-word"? Haven't you always wanted to have a "worship-word" too? So you could be a cool like the extra-terrestrial primitives who- FOR SOME STRANGE REASON- had developed EXACTLY like we here on earth, to the point of developing their own USA and COMMUNIST CHINA? I thought you had.

Well tough titties! YOU CAN'T! Unless you're a member of das Lyst!

And I'LL never tell how to become a member, unless you check out my "das Lyst" page off my ORIGINAL HOME PAGE (see link above)! The hard part is- YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THAT PAGE WILL WORK!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

In other words, you have to "get lucky" in order to join das Lyst!

If you're interested in learning "C", here you go! Here's your first program:

#include

main(){

printf(\n"Hello Assholes!");
return 0;
}

Write it! Compile it! Run it! See what it'll do! And just think how much fun it would be if *I* were your computer science professor! THEN think about how *I'll* NEVER be your computer science professor, because I'm more than willing to tell any feminazi on the planet how full of it she is, and to shove it up her bunghole (or his)!

Now if THAT doesn't piss you off at Gloria Swinehem, I don't know what will!
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The ideal woman!

Bite that, Andrea Dorkin!

da Baron