This is a Journal entry by JJJHowqua
There wasn't movement at the station
JJJHowqua Started conversation Jan 19, 2000
I'm in denial.
I refuse to believe that soon I am going to actually start doing some work again. No, it's just not going to happen.
As I'm sure no one has noticed, I'm in the SIXTH week of my seven weeks of freedom. That means not very long at all. And I still have that mountain of extra work to conqueor.
Procrastination. I'm trying as hard as I can, but my conscience is willing me to cave in. I need a little procrastination support here.
P.S.
Hypoman Posted Jan 21, 2000
I'm a very willing supporter of procrastination, JJJ, I just find it hard to get motivated about it...! I live according to my own gospel, you see. Summer is not long, and the seasons around it not nearly so much fun since it stopped being as cold as it used to be. Live a little!
How're things, anyway? You all set for the HSC, bacchalaureate or whatever the thing is that you're attempting to attain this year? Or shouldn't I have said that...?
P.S.
JJJHowqua Posted Jan 21, 2000
Ahh, thank you. That was just the little bit of porcrastination support I needed.
Though it's not going to last long. I just *know* I'm going to end up doing my work tommorrow. Which I guess really is a good thing.
Yes, I'm all set for the HSC. We actually started all our HSC work last term, so it's already begun. It's rather frightening to think, "The course of my life hangs on the balance of the results of this assesment test/ task/ exam."
Oh well. What will happen will happen and I'm not going to worry about it.
And how are you, Hypo? Having fun in the sun? One reason I can't wait to get make to school is it will be warm again. The cold just gets frustrating after a while.
P.S.
Hypoman Posted Jan 21, 2000
Don't worry, JJJ, the course of your life doesn't hang on the HSC - it hangs on the decisions you make about what you want to do with it. The HSC is a doddle, if all you want to do is an Arts degree (speaking from lazy experience...). The "what will happen..." attitude is admirable, but impractical: what needs to happen only you can determine. Live a little anyway, I say.
The sun is fun, but it's hot - damn' hot. To be honest I'd prefer the cold, I think. I do like the clearness of the days and the comfort of a bed that only needs one sheet on it, though. The light is amazing - clear, hard, stark yet unequivocal, barely beautiful. I still think I'd rather be here than there...
P.S.
JJJHowqua Posted Jan 21, 2000
Ahh, well. I don't know what I want to do, so it does matter how I do on the HSC, because if I decide I want to do someething that's hard to get into, I'll need a good UAI.
And also, I have expectations. Everyone expects me to do well, and that's just worrying. My parents, my relatives, they all assume I will do really well. I'm not quite sure why, but I'm afraid to disillusion them.
My "what will happen..." attitude is just a front. I try to pretend I don't think ahead, but I really do. But at the same time I try not to dwell on it, because my life now can't be ruled by what will happen. That's my way of living a little.
Yes, well I'll be back soon and I'm going to enjoy the sun when I get there. But I know from past experience that after a short while it will get TOO hot again. *sigh* The grass is always greener...
P.S.
Hypoman Posted Jan 21, 2000
Why do you need to decide now what to do? Are the expectations yours, or those of other people for you? Not thinking ahead is something that someone who writes as well as you can't do, so there's no real surprise there.
It's only as hot as you feel it to be...!
P.S.
JJJHowqua Posted Jan 21, 2000
I don't need to decide now, but I have to decide sometime, and there's a lot of pressure on people my age to discover what we want to do now.
The expectations are not mine, they're other people's. They expect me to do well, and I am afraid I won't. I guess this make the expectations mine too as I am trying to fulfill them.
Ahh! Complicated introspection! This is why I feel like I'm talking to a psychiatrist.
As for that last statement, obviously. If it's hot, you feel it to be hot. How can you not feel it to be hot if it is? Cryptic statements like that one just don't work.
P.S.
Hypoman Posted Jan 22, 2000
Complicated introspection is my thing, JJJ - I AM a qualified psychologist, although I've never made use of the qualification (let me be a librarian, any day!).
I don't know that the pressure on you to decide now is any worse than the pressure on us was, and in any case I discovered after the fact that very little of that actually mattered anyway.
If it's hot, you don't feel it to be hot if you've got something more or better on which to concentrate: it's perfectly possible to walk through a desert without noticing you're thirsty. Reality is subjective - this is one of the first things psychology teaches you! I didn't realise that that was so "cryptic", however...!
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