h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Magazines like to put the word 'SEX' on the cover, in the sad hope that people will be more likely to rread what is inside.
And they say it is the most searched for word ont he internet.

I wonder if it works!

I believe Middlesex used to be very desirable.

(Does this reminiscence belong in "London Living?")

I am *so* embarrassed!

I signed up to h2g2 nearly a year ago, stayed around for a couple of weeks, posted 2 articles, then went 'out of town' for quite a while.

I stopped by just three weeks ago, and found a greeting on my home page from someone called Mustapha (http://www.h2g2.com/U55893). What a nice guy! I could see this place was much more interesting than before.

I was just praying that those in power would introduce the promised facility to delete journal entries, so that I could start from scratch with something less pathetic.

Oh, you could fry an egg on my cheeks!

What a very kind (not to mention interesting) invitation.



Is this ability personal to you, or is it commonplace in the colonies?

I go red at the slightest provocation. When I'm embarrassed, when I'm upset, when I'm angry, when I bend over to pick something up, when I'm not being exactly truthful...

It's not fair! Some people can hide a lot simply because they don't flush red.

Clearly, anyone who blushes is at an immense disadvantage. If evolution were true, people like me wouldn't exist. Therefore evolution is trash! (That's 'rubbish' to polite Brits, and 'crap' for the rest!)

No, you've got it ARSE-uppards.
(or is that a different forum?)**

Blushing is guaranteed to attract.
For centuries seen as a sign of modesty.
That's why all those shameless hussies slap rouge or blusher on their cheeks because they can no longer function naturally.
And apart from that:
Imagine in the old days, even before my time, sitting in a cold, dark, damp cave waiting for the sabre tooth tiger to go away so you can collect more wood to relight the fire. Instead of freezing to death you just tell a rude joke - it would have to be rude in those days, nothing was sophisticated - and then gathering around the modest maidens to warm your hands. The one who blushed most would have been most popular.

Q.E.D.

(**Yes, that's the "Kiss" forum: sub head "Rules")

"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to."
Samuel L. Clemens (?)

So, if I understand you right - every time my face reddens, men start to find me irresistible.

Nooooo, I can categorically say that ain't true. Perhaps the red face has to be pretty to start with, attached to a voluptuous body, all supported by long, sexy legs. None of which I seem to have evolved.

So, when I flush, I'm not signalling "Come and have me!" More like "Earth, please swallow me up now!"

Hey, wouldn't it be swell to have a yellow 'smiley' with flushing red cheeks?

Patience, Child,
When the global warming really starts and the ice caps melt and disrupt the Gulf Stream and the all the buldings collapse because the heave in the frozen ground destroys the foundations and we all take to the caves to avoid the siberian tigers that have proliferated and we're waiting for them to move away so we can go out to collect wood to relight the fire, I'll tell my spittoon joke and we'll all gather round the girl most likely to keep us all alive and you'll say "Sod off the lot of you except for that rather dishy young man with the hairy chest and hand carved stone medallion."
Damn.

Like the Idea of the rosy cheeked smiley, though.
D'you know a mechanic that can keep up with you?

Being from, as you say, 'the colonies', I confess I didn't get that last bit - not at all. Mechanic?

Surely my blushing cheeks will flush even more when I learn that we're surrounded by tigers. I'll be the first to be eaten, then. Knowing my luck, the tigers will start chomping at my feet, working their way up.

Ah, yes, clumsy.

More cross forum contamination.
Charles Bronson film U.S. title "the Mechanic" as in: hired assassin
"the woods are lovely, dark & deep
but I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep" (R. Frost?)
can't remember its title over here.

Nothing like that. I meant innovative, imaginative programmer / sotware engineer. Oh crikey. "engineer" as in person who makes or fixes machinery or systems not driver of railway train or even railroad train.
Imagines sepia picture of wood burning steam engine with cylinders and piston rods (no can't mention that) firebox with log being (no can't mention that) ...
Should be nice and warm in the cave tonight.

I suspect our ancestors were tough guys and girls. By all accounts there weren't that many of them, yet they managed to kill and eat all those giant woolly mammoths. Perhaps a few post-apocalyptic Siberian tigers shouldn'tbe too daunting for humanity's hardy survivors.

Say, I'd probably look quite neat in tiger skin. Assuming, of course, that we agree a to overlook ethical issues in preference to morale-boosting animal skin chic.

In the scenario I outlined, I should have to rethink, radically, my scruples, morals and general outlook.
No, I probably wouldn't have time. I'd be too preoccupied with staying alive. The rest would happen as it happened.
(Think I'll start salting these.)

Been meaning to ask "Kaeorie" ? New Zealand influence?

Clumsy!
"Kaeori"

I've no idea. Does it sound like a New Zealand word?

Better ask Mustapha (http://www.h2g2.com/U55893), for he is very wise and comes from that mystical place...

Mustapha has checked - no NZ connection. Worth a look, I guess.

What made you think it might mean something in NZ?

I suppose the thought may have been provoked by the similarity ? between Kaeori & Maori, or perhaps living in caves & dressing in animal skins.

I'm told that the national costume of N.Z. is a pair of flip flops.
(I hope no one sees this - it might be thought offensive or libellous; but then I am only reporting information.)

Perhaps less similar than you think. My name is pronounced so it rhymes with 'story'. Unless, of course, I'm pronouncing it wrong!

Mustapha has given guidance on how to pronounce Maori. It sounds much more interesting than my name.

No problem with your name (though it's not your real name). It's kinda hard to imagine introducing you to someone: "Oh, by the way, have you met plaguesville, ..."

Sorry, I must have been brought here by mistake. I was doing a search on sex... and I thought... oh well...

As for the name Kaeori: I would suspect your name is part of the growing trend for individualism in first names... odd that, since if everyone is doing it, is it really individual? So I would suspect your mom named you Cory, then tried spelling it in the way that yields the most points in a game of Scrabble... which dooms you to mispronunciations for your entire life. Parents can be so heartless...

Of course, I suppose there's an easy way to end the speculation... ask your parents.



PS: I saw the question mark on the Samuel Clemens quote... you got it bang on. It comes from Puddn'head Wilson's Calendar... which is more than you probably wanted to know, so I'll go away now.

Sorry about the 'sex' thing!

As for asking my parents about my name, I was found in a motel when just a few days old, a piece of paper with the word 'Kaeori' tucked inside the t-shirt I was wrapped in. So, I was called Kaeori until I was adopted. When I was 21 I changed my name back to Kaeori. No clue was ever found as to the identity of my parents.

Just recently, when all this discussion started, I found myself wondering what happened to that piece of paper.

GargleBlaster,
Thanks for your posting.
I either didn't read the whole of Kaeori's previous, or this thing didn't receive it properly (or vice versa). If you hadn't posted I might not have realised the omission.
Looks like Kaeori's theory is beginning to work.