h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I sit here on the night before tuesday. I will soon stop typing and sit in the lotus position in the middle of my room that will be lit only by candles. I shall clear my mind listening to the sound of my own steady breathing. I shall then contemplate how I will achieve my goal on tuesday. Tuesday is traditionaly the day on which the hours of 5 till 8 are spent trying to find any reason possible to avoid asking out the girl at work. This often consists of such amazing wisdom as 'she may say no' which, while a tad defeatest, is undeniable all the same.  I shall further contemplate how to act like it is no big deal when it is quite clearly one of the biggest deals I have to at present...
I will continue to meditate until:

1 I find the answers
2 I feel like a game of Half-Life