h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 Okay, I've been looking over my Theater Technician article, and was wondering if anyone out there could also check it out and help me: what should I do to it to get it accepted? My email said it needs to be a little more factual and telling more about what they do rather than the lifestyle, but I'm unsure what to add. I've put in a little. *shrug*

Hi JS. I’ve seen your moniker around the traps a bit and I thought I’d check out your home, so to speak. You asked for some criticism of your "Techies" article and I thought that I’d tell you about a few problems that I can see, with a few suggestions for how to fix them. Please don’t take this the wrong way, ‘though!

To start with a suggestion, you could probably make the article clearer to follow by listing, as you already have done, the members of the various parts of the technical crew of the theatre, but group them together. For example, your paragraph about what the director(s) and manager(s) do could precede the paragraph about what the "techies" in general do. The paragraph about the larger group of "techies" should point out how the group is split up ("lighting crew", "sound crew", etc.), and contain ALL the information you want to present about what the techies actually do - which in this version of the article is contained in about three separate paragraphs, I think.

The major problems that I have are with definitions - half the time I’m not sure what you’re talking about, and you don’t elaborate on buzzwords like "hell week" (which would, incidentally, provide a good stylistic medium to let people know what techies actually do). You mention briefly the ones who "build the set, run the lights, sound, fly system, and work with costumes and props". You then go on to explain what the "lighting crew" does, what the "sound crew" does etc., but you do not connect these concepts - either together or with the larger one: that of the "techies" themselves. You also don’t distinguish between the "techies" and other members of "the crew", and the neophyte audience (people like me, for example) will not have a clue what the difference is.

Your introduction is fine, and makes perfect sense for the article to follow. ALL your bits about the "lifestyle" aspects of the group (love of caffeine, dislike for actors, defensiveness of the craft, dedication and loyalty to the kind, etc.) could be grouped in the final paragraph, to make the whole thing that much more funny in the end.

Anyway, that’s about as much as I can think of to comment on, and I thought I’d better get in and make a comment while the invitation was open. I’d be willing to bet that, if you structure the article right, it probably wouldn’t be too hard to get accepted. I know what you mean about the frustration of the wait, ‘though!

Hmmm.... you've given me quite a bit to look over, but you're suggestions are great!!! Clear, and I see what you mean with it. I think I see why it's confusing now, LOL, I'm so close to it that it's hard to notice unless it's pointed out. Woohoo, can't wait to work on the rewrite. Thank you, Hypoman, you've been a MAJOR help.

I'm pleased to know I had something useful to say! Good luck with the rewrite JS, and even better luck with the resubmission - if that's what you decide to do.