h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

EVA BRAUN’s GRAND DAUGHTER

By

UNFAITHFUL MONARCH


For Kerri Schlaible it was a dull day. No clients, new or old. The 5’8” tall green eyed red-head looked listlesslessly at the busy street below her apartment situated at the 10th floor of the residential building at Refsnesgade 52 in Copenhagen. An old oil painting of a baby suckling her mother was the only antiquity which adorned the one room apartment. It was given to her by an old client who no longer visited her because he had died in a road accident. Otherwise she had few memories worth the name. She had a good music system which was essential to her profession. Many of her clients were a sophisticated or an artistic lot and needed a perfectly romantic setting before they could play with her. She had learned that music could work wonders with older men and she had little respect of the younger crowd. As she lazily watched the crowd below, she escaped sighting an old man stopping on the pavement and looking up . As his eyes quickly scanned the building, he slipped the piece of paper which had made him stop and look up at the building.
Herr Olber was indeed a very old man. His straight gait, brisk walk, quick and sharp eyes belied that he was ninety two years old. The lift quickly took him up on the 10th floor. Kerri jumped when the doorbell rang.
“who the f**k is it now? Must be bills.”
She quickly strode across the small room and in a jiffy opened the door. Herr Olber surprised her. She had never had such a smart old man in her apartment. Braun’s affixed a monocle and shrewdly examined Kerri. She was indeed very pretty.
“Guten morgen, Fraulein….er”…..
“Kerri “
Kerri Schalaible”, added Kerri.
“May I come in”,
“of course”, said Kerri , a bit hesitantly.
“I don’t recollect having an appointment with you”, stuttered Kerri. She was surprised because she had had the nerves of steel. Her profession had endowed her with that quality.
“Olbers..Hans Olbers”, introduced the old man to Kerri.
“Drink”, Asked Kerri,
“I do not mind, fraulein”, Olbers remarked. He needed a shot. The search had been an arduous affair. There was virtually no births,deaths, immigration offices throughout Europe he had not been to and finally he had reached his destination. He found her alive and kicking. It didn’t matter to him whether her name was Kerri or not. He only required one proof that it was indeed the girl he had been looking for during the last more than 18 years. Kerri was 23.
Now Kerri didn’t quite know what to do with a man that old. That day she was not booked with any client, but Olbers needed to know her rates and the type of services she offered. Before she could speak Olbers spoke.
“I will give the young lady 100 times the amount she makes in a day”,
Kerri was astonished. The old man seemed to have read her thoughts. “he’ll be easy”, thought Kerri thinking about Olbers’ age. Again the old man seemed to have read her mind.
“I only want to see every inch of the young lady’s beautiful body”, remarked Olbers amused.
Kerri took of her clothes and came over to the old man. As she started unzipping him , Olbers stopped her, “Nein, Nein, young lady”.
“Crazy old man”, thought Kerri. “He wants to examine my whole body with himself dressed to the boot”. She felt humiliated.
“My check please first”, said Kerri sharply, her face flushed with rage. Olbers took out his check book and made out a neat US dollars 100,000/- for her. Obviously he was crazy and now she didn’t mind getting humiliated by the old man. As she went to the bed Olbers followed her and quickly started scanning her body. His looks were not lascivious, only anxious. He told her to turn around and she turned. It was an unusual experience for Kerri to have an old man examining her butt with a magnifying glass which Olbers pulled out of his pocket.
“Ah, its there”, Olbers was gleaming with excitement. It was getting tiring for Kerri.
“What’s there in my f*****g ass that’s making you tick”, Kerri lashed rudely.
“The Swastika sign….tattoed”….
“You can put on your clothes young lady. I have many things to discuss with you”.
Kerri was nonplussed. “What’s the great grandpa getting at “, she wondered as she dressed up again. Maybe I’ve had a drink too many and am imagining things. She was suddenly taken by surprise when the old man kissed her head lovingly and with an affection which overawed her.
“Eva’s grad-daughter”, whispered the old man as his eyes dreamed off into the remote passed.
“Eva Who”, asked Kerri astonished at the turn of events.
“Eva Braun”, said the old man triumphantly,
“What you mean to say that I’m that Hitler guy’s daughter”, asked Kerri totally astonished. She was sure that the old man was a nut case. That didn’t however matter much as she felt the warmth of a 100,000/- dollars check in her pocket. “He’s crazy enough and if I play along, he might give me more”, thought Kerri.
“Oh , I’m so thrilled to know that I’m Adolf Hitler’s grand daughter”, bluffed Kerri.
“Yes and no, but Eva’s grand daughter for sure. I’m your solicitor and I have to tell you young lady that you are the richest woman on this planet. The sole inheritor of a fortune worth more than two billion dollars languishing in Swiss banks!”
“Oh wow”, exclaimed Kerri disbelievingly.
“When the Fueher died he handed me his will”, saying this the old man opened his small brief case and took out an old document.
“Here , you see. It is clearly written that the children grand children will not get a penny of his wealth.” Olbers looked on to see her reaction. Now that got too much for Kerri who lashed out in rage.
“What the hell do you think of me…You have no business to humiliate me like that. First you ask me to strip off. Then examine my whole body with a f*****g magnifying glass to see a f*****g swastika sign and give me 100,000 dollars for that. Then you tell me that I am to inherit a massive fortune. To further insult me you pull out a legal document that I am not to inherit anything from my grand father….your f*****g Fuehrer. Just because I’m a hooker , it doesn’t mean that you can keep playing with my emotions”.
“Easy lady , easy. Here is the second document. “, saying this he pulled out another legal document as old as the first one.
“This, This is Herr Himmler’s will which says that his children and grandchildren will inherit the fortune which roughly comes to more than 2 billion dollars”, Olbers looked on triumphantly as Kerri read the Will”
Continuing, “ You are the daughter of Eva and Herr Himmler. The Fuherer committed suicide in the bunker when Eva told him that her daughter was Herr Himmler’s child. In rage he killed Eva and then committed suicide”. Olbers stopped to take his breath.
“Wow, what about my parents?”, asked Kerri anxiously
“I could trace them alive. When they died in a road accident, you were a baby and some scoundrels raised you up to be a hooker. But Herr Himmler’s will was followed meticulously by them. When you were born the Swastika sign was tattooed somewhere on your body like your mother who had the same sign tattooed on her body by her father. The Will’s condition is that the fortune shall go to the one who has that sign tattooed on a particular area of the body. You have that sign just inside the hip fold…..you are the last survivor of the Third Reich’s innermost circle. I will now die a peaceful man but right now I have many formalities to complete before the your inheritance is transferred to you”.
Kerri watched the old man disappear as the lift moved down. She wasn’t thinking of anything. She closed the door and poured out a drink for herself thinking of the love affair of her grandmother Eva Braun and her grandfather Himmler.

END