h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Many people know i love a certain trilogy of films.
Many people have tried to discredit there glory to be angrily shouted at and have there feeble arguement torn to shreds.
Many people know i watch at least one film a week from the trilogy.
What am i talking about?

Lord Of The Rings.

I have just seen the trailer for The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King. I will give up guinness, take up religion (im an atheist) and say that tony blair and george bush are great leaders - just to see a little bit more with sound.

Every time it gets towards the end of the trailer the sound cuts out. This is my pc's fault and not the fault of the trailer.

Some breif notes before i shut up.
1) Anyone who abbriviates the title of the film is belittling it.
2) The trilogy is a master peice.
3) Peter Jackson is one of the greatest directors of all time. If you wish to argue with me over this, feel free. But i havent done every peice of coursework on The Lord Of The Rings that i had the option too, sat two media exams based around The Lord Of The Rings, and watched it every week because theres something better out there.
There isnt. Beleive me. Star wars can try - but now the franchise is a sell out to kids. Harry potter will sail limply into the ether and nothing else will touch The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The Kings in my life time.

Long live Peter Jackson.

Well, watching Fellowship from my sickbed, I can see a few things that Mr Jackson buggered up on.

1) Casting: Liv Tyler? Why the hell not just stick Britney in? The dizzy tart from Armageddon just doesn't fit as an elven princess. Then you have Agent Smith as Elrond? Surely there could have been better options.
Although he gets plus points for Sean Bean (ah... Sean Bean <starry-eyed&gt and Sir Ian McKellen.

2) Changes from the book: Liv Tyler is not only unfit for her role, she also gets a massively enlarged role from the book. Add to this Frodo's complete indifference at the Council of Elrond when he discovers that the dodgy ranger is actually MIGHTY KING OF GONDOR. Surely that deserves more than a blink of Elijah Wood's poncey eyes. And if the rumours are true and the Scouring of the Shire has been left out then a big part of the consequences of the War of the Ring on Middle Earth will be lost.

3) Chemistry: Ok, there's some on screen chemistry between Frodo and Sam (although they weren't so many homoerotic undertones in the book) but to my eyes at least there seems to be very little between Gandalf and Aragorn (who are meant to be very old friends) or Merry and Pippin. And Here's another point to say that Liv Tyler couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag with the aid of a chainsaw.

4) CGI: I hate CGI. Everything looks so fake (Legolas vs Cave Troll, Gandalf vs Balrog, the CGI McKellen and Bloom look like plastic toys). Admittedly LotR does have two redeeming features on this point, one being Gollum, the greatest of all CGI characters (but with Jar Jar Binks for competition?) and the second being it's not Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Toy Story Clone.

But that's just my opinion, everyone's entitled to one. All credit to Peter Jackson though, the films could have been much much worse. As films I'll admit that (barring Liv Tyler) they are fantastic, but as an adaptation of _the_ masterpiece of English literature, they pale in comparison to the image in people's heads when they read the book.

As i gladly said to anyone who wants to argue about the films with me, come get sum!

1) casting: the casting fantastic actually. Think about it:
Boromir - indestructable sean bean as the second charecter to die. Lets face it sean bean aint anything special. The fact that out of his 61 credits, 15 are Sharpe, and out of the 61 credits 30 are for tv appearances. He is a skilled actor, but he isnt the sort of actor suited for a big screen lead role. Supporting on the other hand hes good at (Equilibrium being a fantastic example, although his acting isnt fantastic). The fact that he works so well with Viggo Mortensen is a credit to his support role ability.

Aragorn - a relatively unknown action hero in Viggo Mortensen. Did anyone spot him in Crimson tide? how about in Psycho? or how about G.I. Jane? And he wasn't originally cast for the part. The original actor was sacked and he was hired, although he only did it because his son told him too. His first scene began pretty much as he got off the plane, and was the weathertop scene (when frodo gets stabbed), He had minimal sword training. Can you tell that he'd just got off the plane?

Saruman - Sir Christopher lee who has read the lord of the rings every year sinces his twenties, and hes met the guy a few times. If you want an evil charecter, you cast him. The fact that he has all the knowledge about Tolkein is a bonus. 223 film credits to his name, not including two producer credits and numerous other parts, he is a great actor.
By the way, the total of 223 credits does not include his theater stuff.

Frodo - Elijah wood who has films such as flipper, back to the future (he was an extra), deep impact and spy kids to his name, and usually wouldnt be given any sort of opportunity in most films (he did kieds films, most child actors dont do the transistion). Overall im not sure about Elijah wood as the lead, but the third film will probibly change that.

Samwise - Sean Austin was one of the lead roles in the goonies. Although he has nearly 35 different film credits, no of them are films that i reckognise. He also suffers from the kid to adult transittion that Eiljah suffered from, but with 5 films in production or post-production, its clear that Peter jacksons gamble with him has paid off.

Gimli - John Rhys-davies has done numerous video game appearances (Dune, Baldur's gate) and has even done appearances in sponge-bob square-pants as manray (who ever the hell that is). Saying that he has nearly 115 credits for various TV shows, Videog game appearnaces and films. Many will know him from either Sliders (tv series, two years) or from indian jones and the last crusade. One of my favorite actors, mainly for his appearances in sliders.

Pippin - Billy boyd has only 11 credits too his name. Although to give him credit he is in russell crowe's new film master and commander. Being 35, most would expect him to have more experience under his belt, but having only being an actor since 1996 (where he appeared in an episode of Taggart), hes not done too bad.

Merry - Dominic Monaghan, spookily enough, also has 11 credits to his name, and he also began acting in 1996. Hes 8 years younger then Billy Boyd, but from there acting on screen together i expect him to be the next sean bean. Except with films not tv.

Legolas - Although nonce boy Orlando Bloom only has 12 film crdits, he hasn't done too bad for himself. Black hawk down was his first major film, and peter jacksons depiction of him as the 'action elf' seems to have struck a cord with most other directors. Pirates of the carribean and ned kelly are prime examples, and the fact that his next two films are troy (alongside Brad Pitt, Sean Bean and Eric Bana <new Hulk&gt and pirates of the carribean 2 are another example of Peter jacksons forsite.

Elrond - Hugo Weaving suprisingly only 45 movie credits. But you can't argue with his on screen presence. He fits his roles perfectly, whether it be Agent Smith or Elrond. Put it this way, who else could play Elornd? Who else can put enough authority in his voice to diminish the status of Gandalf effectively in the fellowship, after the audience has accepted and trusts Gandalf?

Gandalf the white/grey - Sir Ian Mckellen is a very skilled actor as can be seen from his recent roles or Gandalf and Magneto. Has 45 screen appearances but is better known for his work on stage. Was originally cast for Elrond and Saruman, but when Christopher lee turned up he was given the role of gandalf.

Gollum/Smeagol - Sorry but you have to give this guy credit. Can you see the interveiw between peter jackson and andy serkis 'yes thats right andy were going to put balls on you and make you dance around on all fours for the next year or so'. Has also been in deathwatch and insomnia and 24 hour party people, but his appearance (or lack of) in lord of the rings is probibly what he is most aclaimed for.

Galadreil - Cate Blancheet plays the role fantastically. Not much else to say.

Arwen - She fits the role perfectlly in my opinion. If you have only seen her in Armageddon then you shouldnt judge her so harshly. Watch Plunkeet and Macleane, shes much better in that. She isnt fantastic in the fellowship (she rides through some trees, she speaks some elvish which does sound great, but thats it), but in the two towers she is a lot better, mainly due to the fact that she gets to speak a lot more, and from her appearance in the return of the king trailer, its clear that she improves even more.

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2) Listen to the concerning hobbits section properly. Bilbo say that the hobbits are quite happy to 'ignore and be ignored'. Thats why Frodo doesnt care. Put it into context. The queen dies, do you really think some guy in say, the amazon, is going to actually care? As for the changes to the book it had to be done, there was no other option. The reason arwens role was made larger is because shes the love interest. Its cinema, there has to be some form of romance in the film or it just becomes men running around with various sharp and pointy instruments of death. And seeing as though Peter Jackson, and Tolkein himself, wanted the book to be as accessable as possible, it makes sense to increase certain roles to bring in certain types of audience so that they can share the world of tolkein. Plus it makes more money if theres a romance that doesnt ruin the plot. Thats the industry like it or not. And besides, Peter Jackson has the rights to do what ever he wants as long as its a brilliant story that encourages the audience to read the book. As for the scouring of the shire i think thats being put on the extended edition. Ive seen pics of Grima in a boat with a hobbit, but it doesnt really need to be there. The whole point of the story is the ring. Pelannor feilds and the battle of the black gate (cant remember the name) are the major points in the film, theres no need to detail a minor skirmish about the shire in the film, although there will be hints. As long as the ring melts and aragorn + Rohan guys and gal + Gondor guys all have a big scrap and win then it works. Sorry but i think the scourings out, theres simply no point adding fluff like that to a 3hour 1/2, possibly longer, film.

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3) Ok, your so wrong there with the frodo and sam thing. Theres so many more in the book, see page 204 at the very top. Should say something about his love rose above all other thoughts, and then he tells frodo hes coming (to his rescue of corse).
The fact that aragorn spends so little time with gandalf is probibly why there is no chemistry. The only major section is where boromir nearly falls off the cliff in Khazad dum and Gandalf tells Aragorn to lead the way. Now a warrior and ranger like aragorn would probibly ignore any old gimp with dirty clothes telling them to do stuff, but he is ordered by gandalf to lead on. Have a look.
Aragorn and Arwen works fantastically well. There so in love that actually have there own language, she gives him her immortality, and she decides to stay in middle earth when all of her people and family leave. On screen they work well together, and dont have the obligatory action movie sex seen. And, quoting from what i can remeber from my media teacher 'the on screen chemistry in the first film creates a greater audience empathy for the second film, strengthening the relationship in the eyes of an audience who expects some form of romance in the action genre'

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4) Personally i love the MASSIVE system that was used (the one for the battles with hundreds of orcs, etc). The legolas on balrog does look a bit plastic, at points, but is mainly okay. The Balrog and gandalf sequence shouldnt look to plastic, because its done using blue screen. The balrog and the cave troll look relastic, but the actions legolas doesnt. Gandalfs few CGI parts aren't to bad, considering he's wearing a cloak which cant be the easiest thing to make on a pc realistically. What you have to remember is that they're great compared to most things. With that technology, and seeing as its already three years old, it is pretty amazing.

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As regards to imagrey, your totally wrong. Change your peoples to person. A lot of it is based on and artists work that both Christopher lee and tolkein himself had seen and said best fit his descriptions of middle earth. The details on sting, the hollow pomel on Narsil, the engravings on the ring, the carvings on the pillars of the dwarfen kingdom of Moria are all exact to Tolkeins original drawings and descriptions (in fact, all the writing, including that on the pillars, can be read if u know it and can be bothered). The speech is all correct, and has been taught by people who have degrees in tolkein, with help again from christopher lee. The fact that for three years, 365 days of the year, two people sat in a room and made chainmail for the film is pretty incredible. Add to that the fact that many sets are real location sets. They took months to build, weeks to shoot, and days to rip down. Theres no trace of many of the sets that scatter new zealand
As regards to better or worse, i think your out of your depth when looking at films. In all your comments you failed to mention the scale that Peter Jackson did these films on. The combined budget dwarfs every other film, and the combined profit does too.
I'll admit that i've only read half of book three, but going off what i know, which is films, the lord of the films trilogy is an epic.

My god. For once you weren't blowing smoke. You _really_ do destroy people's arguments! I spend 5 hours on fanboy whinge sites trying to put together an argument and you come out with that. Damnit sir, I take off my hat to you!

Like i said, i do most of my course work on lord of the rings, and you chose the wrong time to insult miss tyler because im doing a peice about her now.

*Puts psycorps arguement on executioners block and swings axe*

And i got an A in media for my trouble.




Next

*removes fire from torrent of urine*

Damn you Rolesy, damn you....

*slinks off into the night.*

*Sharpens gimlis axe with a wet stone, whilistin the road goes ever on and on....*