h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But at least I'm no longer stoned out of my gourd. I am not taking any more Demerol, but am taking something that can trigger asthma attacks. I think that's better than seizures and hallucinations. I can talk intelligbly, but I can only squeak if I want to laugh. This, I am told, only serves to make my chipmunk appearance more entertaining. I have no jawline and no cheekbones, which is kind of weird to look at, considering I have a pretty angular face. I look like someone took a baseball bat to my head, really. Even my tongue is bruised. I ate five tablespoons of egg salad and my mother still isn't happy. I have gotten a twenty minute lecture from her about how I'm not eating (duh, I can't), and I received another twenty minute lecture from my doctor about not eating. They want me fat at 115lbs., but I have dropped to 104lbs. I have been threatened with a hospital stay and intravenous fluids if I go even an ounce below 100lbs.

I have filled a plastic cup up with white glue and am waiting for it to dry a little before I add borax and play with it, so here are some musings of mine that you need to answer. Really, answer them.

Who is Pachelbel and why is he important? I'll keep whoever answers this correctly in my closet for a week. They will get three walks, three or four meals, a bath, and several belly rubs a day.

Why would you dry clean glue? The bottle says 'Caution: Do not dry clean.'

Would it be worth it to continue sewing up your 10-yr old favorite shirt, to you?

Given the chance, what double-reed instrument would you play? There aren't very many to choose from.

Have you ever watched all four Lethal Weapon movies in order without moving from the couch?

If you've hallucinated, what have you hallucinated about?

Aww, that sucks


Composer, wrote one of the most famous pieces to be played at mediocre recitals

Because you wouldn't want it to come unstuck after it dried now, would you?

Of course!

BASSOON! Well, if I need to take up a new one, either contra bassoon since they kick ass or English Horn since it's the only vaguely standard one I haven't tried yet.

no

and no

Acknowledged.

Johann Pachelbel (1653-1706) began his musical instruction under Schwemmer and later at the Universities of Altdorf and Ratisbon. In 1671 Johann moved to Vienna where he became student and deputy organist to Kerll at the Imperial chapel. In 1677 he was organist for one year in Eisenach--the city of Bach's birth eight years later. The following year he moved to Erfurt, where his son, Hieronymus, was born. While in Erfurt he taught Johann Christoph Bach, Sebastian's older brother and guardian in Ohrdruf when the Bach parents died. In 1690 Pachelbel became court organist at Stuttgart. Two years later Johann took his final post, in Nuremburg. Johann Pachelbel's repertory is the stylistic ancestor of J. S. Bach's, particularly his technique of chorale variation. Carl Philipp Emanuel named Pachelbel as a composer whose works his father had admired.

Cuasepeople are stupid?

Nothing of mine from 10 years ago fits me, execpt my glasses.

Oboe, and actuly I have had to play one for school band, its like trying to play a very very small clarinet that squeeks.

Yes, and you don't want to know that I then continued to watch all the police acadamy movies, and finally all the Carry On movies. Yes it was when I was about 12 and had a lot of spare cash for the movie rent place.

I have hallucianted, I think about 3 or 4 times, the frist was when i was on drugs after the operation on my foot, I imagined a girl running down a corridor (a hospital corridor) towards me shouting out my name. The girl never existed. I also imagedind a cat on my leg and a badger in my sheets (that was funny I luaghed at it for 2 hours, no idea why). I have no ide ahwy i can remebr doing this when i was 4, i seem to have a knack fro rembering things ages in the past but not remeberingwhat happend yesterday.

oh and just so you all know i weigh 95 kgs or 209 lbs

First of all, Darakat, you cheated and didn't even answer the question about Pachelbel.

Seond of all, why is your weight relevant to this conversation?

1. yes I like belly rubs ok? I cheated and I am damm proud of it.

and i just mentioned it because I can.

But you didn't answer the question. You just gave me a brief historical sketch.

he was a composer most notably of his most famous work the "cannon" which is still a common peace played today, ok?

I started a business based on selling that stuff - nowhere sells it over here. Over a year we made £90 profit from it, and about another £1200 from a couple of hours renting out car parking spaces before football matches 4 times. And what have I got to show for it now the beer money is spent? Yea a level 2 GNVQ (with distinction!).

Pachabel, I don't know, and you can't rub my belly all the way from America anyway.

You would dry-clean glue to cause whatever disastrous and therefore assuredly fun consequences its warning you about. Self-fullfilling prophecy. They actually want you to dry-clean the glue .

I am 6'1. 10 years ago I was...not. If I still had t-shirts from back then, making them wearable would be beyond my skills.

Contra-bassoon because all the others are too girly. Also I found this picture http://greenwoodband.com/pictures/tn0499ContraBassoon.jpg

I haven't even watched a single Lethal Weapon film all of the way through. Yesterday, however, I did manage to listen to ever single Led Zeppelin album back to back.

I once hallucinated I was being divebombed by wasps. I was in 6 and in school at the time. I got taken home, put to bed, and then they all started crawling all over me and in and out of my ears and nostrils. Funny little random insecty things and what you would call pill bugs and also little slinkys. And a phalanx of pink earwigs marched up my wall. They were very disciplined - I would've been impressed if I hadn't been terrified. Its easier to fear an enemy you admire.

Oh, and Darakat: 60kgs.

You are forgiven, Darakat.

You are kidding, Bouncy?

That's the thing. You have to buy a plane ticket to have the honor of spending a week in my closet.

You don't like the Lethal Weapons?? And you had to MANAGE to listen to ever Led Zeppelin album?

What is this, a weight comparison? I think 100lbs converts to roughly 45.5 kg.

Pachelbel - late baroque composer, I believe... Affected Bach greatly (that would be Johann Sebastian, not any of his sons).

Because it's tempting to find out what happens when you do what you're not supposed to do...

I've outgrown all of those...

Oboe.

I haven't seen any of them, actually...

Loads of times. I've had way too many of them, but the latest one was when I plucked a hair out of my mouth, and it became a red, wireframed, rotating floral pattern.

Well to be honest I thoroughly enjoyed the Led Zeppelin, although it was a bit of a task. I didn't say I didn't like Lethal Weapon, but I've always have to go before the end or I miss the beginning.

You'd be surprised at the fun you can have with a packet of borax powder and a crate of industrial strength PVA glue. Or at the number of gullible idiots prepared to buy a product called 'Gyp Goo'.

I think I've lost the 'Stacy's Cupboard' competition already.

Pachelbel- 'Canon'. That's all there is to it.

I think I'd dry clean clue, just because it says not to.

Dang, I can wear all of my clothes from primary...

No contest, it'd be the bassoon.

I actually did this yesterday. If you haven't seen them, you should. They have a plot and are miraculous.

Hallucinations. I had one when I was tiny that my dad was a dragon. I'd scream whenever he came near. Apparently, floating geometric shapes in pretty colors and cats are my favorites. My mother told me I talked about the cats taking my arms and a bunch of other stuff.

So, Bouncy, you like glue?

How am I doing on the closet compo?

I prefer petrol to be honest.

It's between you and Betty. Okay, what is the worse Strauss (any of 'em) creation?

Woohoo, I'm in the running!

Sorry, not giving out weight for comparison, I hope that doesn't hurt me in the competition.

I'm not very big on knowing about Strauss, other than the Blue Danube, which should not be used gratuitously.

Well my hallucinations seem to be pretty ordinary in comparison