h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not I, said the horse to the fly. I think I'll just stick to saying, 'Boys? Bah!' Too bad I hang out with mostly guys...

I have people ignoring me all the time, I have refined it down to an art form.

Okay, so teach me.

Its hard over text lines but I shall teach you at least the basics.

Do try. As long as it doesn't involve getting rid of my lovely pants and socks, I'm an avid pupil.

No specialist cloveing is required, hell you can be naked in a crowd and not be noticed as long as you follow the simple rules.
1. Do not look at anyone else for more than a few seconds. This encourages looks from them. If you need to check someone out, learn to do it quickly and you still can.
2. Your physical appearance matters not, if you look like you know what your doing and are going someplace people will ignore you unless your outrageously attractive or ugly. In these two cases you may need to change your walk, see 3.
3. Walk, Adopt a plan of walking, this means that you know what sort of walk to walk when. Ie you walk quickly when you are going someplace, slowly when you are in a crowd, and don't whatever you do run unnecessarily this attract attention. Always walk slightly faster than the average person as this make you look like your know where you are going even if you don't. Also never take the path of least stress. Take weird paths to get where you need to go, this make you seem strange and avoidable.
4. Always be exactly on time. This is important. It may sound silly, but people who are early seem to keen, people who are late, to lazy or ignorant. For some reason people who turn up on time don't get noticed.
5. Never sit in the back row. The front row is best for most amateurs, it may sound silly, but people who sit in the front row are far away, can't be seen, and are ignored by teachers as they seem like they know this stuff already, when they do ask you questions and you don't know the answer say so as if its there fault, this makes teachers less likely to notice you.
6. Never ever propagate gossip. if you can avoid the tree altogether but this seems very antisocial and people will notice if you do it suddenly so cut off the branch slowly over a period of weeks until you only get the gossip thats actually based on some fact and none of the useless drivel. Don't propagate your own gossip, this gets you noticed.
7. Practice your angry stare, if people you don't like still come up to you and compliment you for no apparent reason give them your angry stare and just say thanks in a wishy-washy sort of voice. If its someone you like or a possible candidate after he dumps Y simply say that you "think that it is very nice you to make that comment and I think your x is nice to" even if it isn't. It seems like this might get you noticed but acutely people ignore what you say most of the time, if it sparks up a conversation say your to busy right now. If it gets you date invites then your angry stare is needed. Never underestimate the power of a stare. Try it out on dogs. When they start running away from you when you stare just above there forehead your angry stare is complete. Staring at peoples eyes works better and commands more authority, with dogs you use the forehead as eyes are a direct challenge where as forehead is a "i am better than you already" comment type thing. With humans if you stare at there forehead and start blinking rapidly they will match your blink, a nice physiological experiment there.
8. In extreme cases random blitheness and occasional non-sensical bursts of laughter or song and dance are necessary, most people find it weird.
9. Its probably best that you make sure you study how it is that your currently being attractive BEFORE starting to make people avoid and or lose interest in you so that you can go back to being attractive when you wish to be, over-wise you may forget.

Yes, the question stands: "Do you really WANT to be normal?"

How can you be normal? There is no normal, and I think this is a forgone conclusion in stacyies case anyway she is not normal, in a nice way of course, you see I am not normal in a nasty way.

My point, exactly, but I'm under the impression that she doesn't WANT to stand out like she does...

And you are absolutely correct, Øyvind. Being noticed is bad.

I guess I'm a hopeless case, anyway, because I do all of those things already. The staring part is particularly good. I can drive people to tears in five seconds and dogs to madness in two. Or maybe that's too intense?

Actually, dearest Darakat, you've been particularly open and personable recently. I'm beginning to feel compelled to call you by your first name...

I am trying to be more of a people person.

Hmmm... I thought so... Why is it bad to stand out, though?

You are doing amazingly well, I congratulate you.

Because then people want to TALK and 'GET TO KNOW YOU.' Close to the end of the world, really.

Aha... So you just want to be no-one in particular, right? Fat chance. If you try, life will find some way of confronting you with it...

The best way to get to those sorts of people I find is to talk to them and then tell them that the green aliens are after you.

Was that me or Stacy you were referring to as "those people"?

Both.

Then I don't think it would work too well... We'd only go sarcastic on you...

Really?

Probably...