h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do try this at home.

Normally I would not reccomend cds over vinyl. In fact I would sooner poke out my eyes with pinecones. But for this experiment I'm afraid you must have a cd player and a copy of Abbey Road on CD.

Place the cd of Abbey Road into the cd player.

Turn the volume up. I don't mean I can hear it and the neighbours can hear it up either. What you should be aiming for is levels of volume almost certainly damaging to your hearing.

Tell your cd player to start playing track 6.

Listen. Listen with your whole being. Stand or sit it's up to you but close your eyes. Turn the lights off even. And listen.

The white noise of 'I want you (she's so heavy)' should be melting your brain and making you vibrate by now. Then into silence and out the other side. You should be hearing the greatest pulsing gasp for air silence that the human body can tolerate.

Into this moment filled with the resounding abcence of sound the sun rises. Those first few notes have the purity of a benediction. If your soul doesn't weep you haven't got one.

Now try it on a bus over headphones. I dare you.

I heard that, Hound!

Is today better?

Speckly.

Yes heaps! It's always the eve that's the hardest. He was alive then.
1025 words down already tonight and it's only just after nine!
Go on join in...dare you!
take care
boots

ooh you are bad and I do not give in to dares. so ner.

Seriously more productive than me. Supposed to be writing but with a bedtime past 4am there is pleanty of day left.

Speckly.

Chicken! You know most people there already and it might pull some of them back again...go on be a hippy chick backpacker who's been out in the sun for too long as has turned into a lobster ...Trout nicked the fish role or should that be roll?

Not knowing where or how I would fit into that group is one of the things that has kept me at a distance. I also wasn't entirely comfortable with the mourning of Ben aspect which was as much an Underguide issue as anything else and has solved itself with time. You know how to tempt a girl though don't you. I'll think about it some more.

Why aren't you a miner or polisher? Since I got tricked into polishing recently I think I'm now officially both . The current AWW clearout is indecent fun though. And we seem to be heading towards an Agg/Gag/CAC collaboration. Should be fun too.

Speckly.

Grammar and a street wise antenae to anything that could be construed as 'work'! I spend far too much time here as it is...I'm looking for a new day job remember? fancy running your eyes over 1000 odd words. It's the beginning of part two of the book...just rough outline at this stage but as Pin says War and Peace Boots why use three words if you can get away with a chapter!
take care
boots

Grammar needn't be a barrier, it hasn't been for me! and it doesn't have to eat up too much time. You already browse the AWW, picking two entries a month from there that you like wouldn't be too arduous. I only spend so much time in there because I'm trapped on hootoo all the time I'm in directory enquiry hell and I might as well be doing something productive. ok recruitment speech over. Oh, if you do happen to wander into the AWW Nyissa has put some cracking entries in, look out for them.

Certainly willing to cast an eye over your work since it looks like I'm doomed to not write anything productive tonight anyway. Will you send or post on here?

Speckly.

postings probably quicker. I'll do a new guide entry call it Speckly and leave it there for half an hour or so. Thanks

found it.

N

Taken it away now. Hope you caught it. Have to do 12 months of facts then can go back and play a bit. The first 17,000 words or so are related to the setting up of the business....location, business plan...yeah right! staff etc etc They need an overhaul but the facts are there now. I reckon the calenda section will be about 26,000 words then I'm into the wind up. Then grammar and so it goes on.
need an illustrator though.
take care
boots (almost off to bed)

Certainly an enjoyable read. What market is it written for? If you are aiming at a know nothing reader some terms and abbreviations may need to be defined. Managing Director rather than MD frinstance. I know it looks crappy and interrupts your wonderful momentum driven style but...

I think you could get away with more padding in the 'things to do' section. Certainly if this is a 'how to' for the complete novice. Could you unpack things like 'stock the shop' with hints and tips?

It all read like very good advice. Good solid boots sense. You even managed to make the list of flowers interesting to read. I think the list could do with being tidied up to make it more readable. Perhaps tables of some sort? Or will your editor do that for you?

If the book is devided into sections and this is the start of a section I think you could do with some sort of introductory ramble, all very general, either right at the top or between the 'dear diary' section and the 'flower contracts' bit. I'd go for the latter. Putting an introduction at the top would take the humour out of the 'Dear Diary' section.

You do seem to be chopping between funny and serious and there's some friction. Could do with being a bit mor integrated, takeing the sharpness out.

The stocking the shop/dead trade section again could do with smoothing and filling out. But it made me laugh!

Of course professional people make light of these things. Doctors do too. It's no indication of callousness it's just how people work. death is the big bad and humour and callousness help to make it dealable. I think that if I were going into the floristry trade I'd want to know that I'm not a bad person and that other people make light of it too.

Is there any more specific feedback you want? Knowing what the market is would deffinitely help. If you want to e-mail a word document over (with a bigger chunk if you like) I can put comments directly into the text in red. Might be easier. Do you know how to send writing as an attachment?

Anyway, I enjoyed that. Quite a bit of it made me laugh aloud, which I wasn't expecting, and the rest was supprisingly interesting. I still have more sense than to want to be a florist though.

Speckly.

Thanks for all of that Speckly. Small niche market out there it seems for easy read 'how to' books. First section has loads of footnotes explaining florestry terms etc...will put up intro have a look

Again I say you should be doing the masters, either writing or scriptwriting. No classes to speak of just writing (which you'd be doing anyway) plus you get the support of good writers and useful feedback. It's only a two year course and you get to be an MA or an MPhil at the end of it.


Speckly

Found it!

Loving the first paragraph

Speckly

Very good. I think it could do with more balence between the downsides of the market/shop/social aspects. At the mo it is weighted muchly towards the market.

I have grammatical nitpicks which would be easier to do if I copied and pasted the text into an email made changes in red and sent it to you. Would you mind me doing that?

Are there any upsides that you could throw in at the end? I can only repeat that the opening paragraph is histerical. No-one would put the book back after reading that.

Speckly.

Feel free, you know grammar is my Waterloo but even i spotted a couple then.
Upsides? You must be joking! they are the upsides..it gets worse from here on in I see exactly what you mean...Perhaps a little fiction is called for. Facts first and then I may be allowed to play.
thanks for that will leave it for another five then pull.
take care
boots

You can pull it whenever you like. So long as I don't refresh the page the copy of it this end won't go anywhere.

I'll send you an email some time tonight but don't wait up for it. I have to make dinner first.

Speckly.

Oh yes! Clever that... technology. thanks a mill
take care
boots

I copied both pieces over. I have way too many windows open now! Will get on with it shortly.

Keep an eye on A1049032 and the atached conversations if you want to see how the blasted novel is (or isn't) progressing. Don't know if you've lurked there yet but I keep it resonably out of view so possibly not.

Speckly