h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Maybe I'm a bit picky - but I'm not all that impressed by this new theatre group I'm with - the Panto opens on Thursday (3 nights from now) and this evening was the first full tech rehearsal

Which, loosley translated, means its the first time the cast have performed
(a) on the stage they're to perform on
(b) with the props and scenery in place for the first time
(c) and its the first time they've had to deal with both lighting and sound rehearsals

Its always a bit iffy and stilted in rehearsal - we fluff lines, we corpse, miss cues - dance routines get taught, looked at and scrapped - thats all part of the fun

BUT - thats in the first 6 weeks!

After that, if you don't know the script backwards, can't do the dance routines in your sleep and can make up half a dozen rugby song class parodies with the most innucous of songs... if you haven't gelled with your co performers and got all the bitching, backbiting and general whispering and sniping out of the way, you may as well recast, rescript the whole thing or suddenly discover an impromptu appointment to get the malingers out of the way.

This company has been rehearsing for three solid months - they still are slow with their lines and there's absolutely no ommph or chemistry. There's ameteur..and there's awful.

The lead female villain is too cute, the male lead villain is about as threatening as a toothless neutered tabby... the Dame's Knockers arn't big enough or vulgar enough, and her costumes are bland and tame.

None of the cast knows how to apply makeup, and with the exception of the 2 older lads in chorous who have a bit of oomph in them, I've seen more cheerful funeral attendees, A couple of the girl ballet dancers have tatoos which might give em several zillion in street cred, but they don't half look pants from the audience's view point

And thats just for starters!

The stage crew also have had 3 months to build, paint and prep the scenery.

Crippled I may be...and I'm no artist, but I swear that I could have done better in the time they've been given - the sets are bland, ametuerish in the extreme and bland to the point of insomnia. I know they're on a budget - but for godsake lads - a couple of spray cans of gilt and sparkle isn't going to break your budget!

(And no, I'm not talking out of my bottom orifice; I've constructed and painted sets in a team in less than a fortnight, so I know what I'm talking about)

I have more exciting pocessions and decorations in my my own home than than have provided for the cast, so minus several million awarded to the Props department. Haven't they even *heard of charity shops? Have they no imagination? You don't need a big budget - just a bit of creativy!

I'm already providing some boots for the Sea Captain,(the bikers boots look absolutely stoopid!) a bucket load of spare slap for some mebers of the cast (and if I have my way I'll be in those dressing rooms PAINTING the buggers - its years since I've done stage make up but I reckon I could do a better job than most of em) and a few lengths of velvet and shiney satin-y materials to make the Beast's Castle look a little less like a Dole Applicant's home and a little more like a palace.

Honestly!

I appear to be reading in for most of the charactors and I cringe at the lack of cohesion in this particular company.

I know its only "technical" rehearsal... but I was waiting in vain for stunning lighting and interesting effects.

Oh yes; and the mikes (every single member is miked up - haven't they heard of projection???) all seem to be either faulty or eat batteries at a rate of knots

Beauty and the Beast? More like Mundane and the Ghastly I think

Oh dear; I really do hope that crap tech and Dress rehearsals are an indication of a decent show

But short of recasting..and finding individuals who can project, articulate and (dare I say it?) Act, I have a horrible feeling that this production is going to be whats commonly known as a pigs ear.

Mind you; the bass player's kind of cute; so maybe it won't be a complete waste of time

I'd come and watch if I weren't propping up a panto myself! Sounds like "fun" and a complete reflection of the one I am loosely involved in!

Mine's Beauty and the Beast too. Every time the Beast bent down his "hump" toppled forward over his head, and invariable knocked Beauty sideways into next year's panto. Solved the problem by lassooing the bottom part of the hump and bringing the string up between his legs (oo-er missus) and then typing it off round his waist. Now, the only thing that gets knocked into next years panto is his Widow Twanky - well, I think he said Twanky....

The backroom boys here aren't too bad, if a bit prima-donna-ish. "But dah-ling, I do think my lighting is s-o-o much better now we have involved the curate's son and got rid of that terrible qualified electrician". All they have got to learn is that the spotlights on the front of the stage, are not pointed at the audience, so that they are blinded to the action.

Wardrobe is OK - they did raid the charity shops..... in about 1942, and they have changed nothing since. Everyone has a page-boy wig, and long gloves, and a pinny with a headscarf to match. Lovely, dear!

Picky, you are not. In trepidation (as I am) you most probably are.

So, in true thespain style - Break a Leg!

UG

At least your lot have got matching wigs and a blinding curate's son UG!

Or isn't that what you meant

Our lot have got everyone in a rather garish purple chrous cossies except certain prima donnas (who shall not be named on the grounds I've a feeling one of em has a H2 account) who insist on wearing black and purple...gingham

We've got Act 2 Tech rehearsal tonight

Its not a leg they'll need to break, believe me!

When's your Beauty and the Beast start?

Oh yes - and what are you doing in February missus?

ooooh, hi UG - long time no see


to hijack your chat with Ev (and your journal entry Ev ) but just wanted to say happy new year! Glad to hear you're ok and still on here from time to time

You know you're welcome Muv

- Journal Entries cannent be hi-jacked after all; I've had quite a few people I know by sight (as twere) dropping into various musings lately which is rather nice!

Our one starts on 25th January and runs until the 28th, but we are also doing a dress rehearsal with "live" audience on the 23rd.

Ours, as you have probably guessed, is a church based one and so the three ministers have been involved as cameo parts. Wardrobe has saved something very special for each of them and I must say that the thought of seeing the second curate in pink lycra tights is er... going to be very special! He is a good 20 stone, and about 6 foot 4 inches, a sort of Bernard Bresslaw and Bernard Manning all rolled in to one!

February? Which bit of February?

UG

Sorry Muv, where are my manners! I meant to wish you a very Happy New Year too, and say that I cannot find our original thread anywhere, it must have dropped well down in the ratings.

I hope you and the girls are well, and still talking to one another.


Take care, UG

Evening UG!

Any time in February you like - get in quick, choose a date and if it's humanely possible we'll do it

You know I've got a car now, don't you?

Our Panto opened tonight - and after a hames of a Dress Rehearsal, I thought the worst was over.

After all..there was only one way it could go - better.



Couldn't it?

Apparently not

Principal boy was so nervious he skipped 2 pages of introductory script and I had to keep yelling hints until the rest of the cast covered for him... the villain (male) lead got cheered instead of boo-ed and a couple of times the principals lost control of the audience on the "Oh yes it is..Oh No it isn't" routine.

And some silly s*d (who shall remain nameless) at the sound desk forgot to turn their mike off, so during the poignant bit in the Play the audience were treated to a running commentary of what he was about to do to his girlfriend, who was with him at the time



Such an uncreative imagination.....and so little common sense!



AND no one saw fit to mention to their prompt that 2 or 3 of the comedy scenes had been cut

I was more than a bitten miffed about that. I don't mind them forgetting me personally - I'm new and therefore not one of the crowd yet.

But it'd make sense to let the *Prompt* know. It's kind of important to do that, so I wasn't terribly impressed I must admit

I shall have absolutely NO inhibitions whatsoever in pranking bigtime on Last Performance. A few hand held signs saying things like "Your flies are undone" will be the least of it I assure you

Ah... the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd.....

Don't ya just love it

My word, its a really small world; it is really

If you skimmy back thru my journals, you'll find one called (probably)
I've just about.. - it deals with the story of how one autumnal night I got a house call from the police telling me that my car had been overturned in the road, and how it took 5 hefty coppers to righten it

This evening, some of the Company went for a communual Indian meal - I was wedged between an Evangelical Born again lady and one of the members of the chorous called Stewart (or Stuart, not sure which)

Stewart turned out to be the copper who made the house call to me telling me about the car!

I didn't recognise him particually - everyone looks very differennt in greasepaint after all - BUT... I did recognise his story of the overturned Fiat and some strange eccentric lady who wandered down the high street with him clad only in PJs and a brown gillet who was too out her skull on some form of pain killer to park the damned thing up properly once him and his mates had got it onto its 4 wheels

Herne Bay is definately getting too small for me

Knowing my luck it was probably his brother who gave young Liam the well deserved rollicking and caution for getting caught joyrising a couple of years ago!

It would seem your reputation preceeded you ev!! Never mind love...i bet he's got more embarrasing stories he could tell......fame at last eh!!!

Or possibly notorioty Smurf!