h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

MEDIUM TO LOW QUALITY REPORTING.

Didn’t anyone but me get sick and tired of the half cocked way that all the TV channels covered it? Why are we always treated to close ups of oafs waffling whilst just off camera in every direction all sorts of less uninteresting things are going on?

Example:

"Here we have a man from the Sudan who has fled with his family leaving everything behind him and braving the front line with his family. He is one of the lucky ones, he will have to live in one of these refugee camps that have been put up in the middle of nowhere. As you can see from this picture of some sand” (waits for clip to show) “they haven't been built yet.”

(Longish pause (considering.))

“I will just go and see if I can have a word with him. “Hello do you speak English?"”

(Pause while translator comes over.)

"Can you ask him if he speaks English"

"Err errr wabbly gobbly obbly blobbly parley vous Anglaise?"

"Oobly goobly errr oui"

"Yes."

"Can you ask him if he wanted to come to this God forsaken hell hole and how he feels about it? Is he worried about his family can you ask?"

Interruption from London:

"Err Dick can I just stop you there thank you, we need to go over to Dick in Kuwait."

"Right, errr… good b..."

"Hello Dick we can almost see the water towers that are a landmark behind your left shoulder from your hotel room."

"Yes I am on the balcony of the hotel and just below me you can't quite see the traffic below me."

(Sirens sound.) (Dick looks a dick.)

"Dick, can I just interrupt you and ask you to put your mask on?"

"You are right! I will just put my mask on."

"That was Dick in Kuwait, we hope to hear more from him later.

Now it's over to Nowhere Important to see a bunch of kids bunking off school to tell us all what no-one ever knew before."

And so on. Repeated at half hour intervals unless something moderately whatever happens.

They stood amid the sandy wastes and pointed to the skyline. They too had targetted the mound and waited for the by-line. "Here it comes" narrator voiced as "BANG !" and, camera panning, the target was not targetted. Who else had done the scanning?

Some hours later a sorry tale, too common -oft related. The pilot scored another home run. His own side was striated. And on the battle fields they mourned and nonplussed News at Ten counted bodies, photo'ed blood and looked out for more A 10's.

That want's revising:

Some hours later a sorry tale, too common -oft related. The pilot scored another home run. His own side was striated. And on the battle fields they mourned and nonplussed News at Ten counted bodies, photo'ed blood and looked out for more A 10's.

Want's to be:

Some hours later a sorry tale, too common -oft related. The pilot scored another home run. His own side was striated. And on the battle fields they mourned and nonplussed once again, they counted bodies, photo'ed blood and looked out for more A 10's.