h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"I don't want to go anymore."

"What do you mean, school?"

"Yeah, I've been going for a year now, and, you know. I just can't do anything for more than a year. What's that look you're giving me? Oh, I don't mean you."

I could feel myself getting mad about it. I wonder if she knows,how I get up most mornings wondering if I can get through the day. If she knows that I feel like my life ended years ago and now I live for other people. People that count on me, can't survive without me. People like her. "You've got no idea, what.." I trail off.

"You're mad aren't you?"

"No. I just don't get it."

"I wrote you a note. What's not to understand? Can't you see how close I am to snapping?"

"If only it were that easy. What do you want to do instead?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing, sit in front of the t.v. watching courtroom dramas all day?"

"No, I don't watch those anymore."

"Then what the hell are you going to do?" I can feel my voice rising. I am losing my patience, and I know if I push to hard she'll just stop talking and run off. I take a deep breath. "What do you want? Are you depressed?"

"No, I just am tired of feeling stupid. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I just know it's not this."

"That is unacceptable! We're married here, don't you see? Can't you see? It's all on my back, always! I just thought that maybe you were participating, that you could join in. Get your degree, get a decent job. Maybe..." She's not in the room anymore. I am left talking to myself.

I think back to when I didn't know where my life was going, when everything seemed more fluid. I thought about how I'd have the career driven wife and the half million dollar house. The kids in pivate school, and my friends over for barbeques every weekend. I look and see how it's become just us. How she avoids me. Avoids talking or looking at me anymore. I wonder when it started, did I even notice. I think I was at the gym, or at work.

I wonder if she's like her mother. Sleeping through her life, ready for the drugs and therapy sessions that will fill her time away from me. I wonder whether I am disloyal for wondering if I made a mistake. I find myself replacing her for a few moments with the dream I had built in mind of her all those years ago.

Then I realize, it's not my call to make. And I walk upstairs to tell her. "Hey beautiful."

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to tell you, I'm cool with whatever you decide. If you're done, you're done. No problem. Just tell me, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I just don't want to go to school anymore."

"And you want to do nothing."

"Yeah, nothing."

I nod and bite my tongue.