h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After reviewing sites (on chaos, anarchy, gardening, and shoe care), I have no alternative but to condem humanity to death. It appears that if you are versed then you can not translate, if you can spell then you can not write, if you have something worth saying, then you can not exprese your self properly. So, all in all, I would say it would be best if everyone just died. Leave me here to talk to the animals, drink, start a garden, bust windows, paint landmarks, shine my shoes, set very small fires, liberate zoos, and turn everything left over off.
If you'll do this for me, I promise to live like we were all supposed to, I'll teach myself to fly a plane, sleep in a lions den (with a lion, of course), build a ferret house 80 meters high out of worthless cash stock, feed everyones cats and dogs and goldfish, and I'll even produce the worlds first truely solo space flight.
I'm pretty freakin smart, and vow to extend true air/space, sea, and land exploration. I will disolve all notions of war. If you will all die and just leave me be, I will put an end to hunger and homelesnes(I guess everything but humans are pretty good at taking care of themselves). There are other things I shant do until you buggers go away, and it's better that way. Yea.
As you can see I really don't mind the position, and have a pretty good idea about what to do with it, SO PLEASE ELECT ME AS YOUR LAST MAN ON EARTH, YEA! (I know I already said yea, but hey, I'm trying to get used to the sound of my own voice.)