h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well over the past few weeks my heresy has been of a fairly mild nature. Tickling the furry underbelly of modern 'paganism' in an attempt to make it wriggle and maybe, just maybe indulge in a little introspection.

I think I have been far too gentle so let's have at it shall we? After all this is what you came here for isn't it, unvarnished and raw, straight out of the feral underground?

The title of this essay has been filked directly from one of the better singer-poets. Her original line was a call to the stupidity of unfulfilled nostalgia. It went, for those of you who think Wogan is a bit risque, "I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair".

As some of you are painfully aware there is a lot of bollocks spoken, sung, believed and promoted in modern paganism. This is due in part to the fact that much of modern paganism did not, despite some authors' claims, emerge from the writings of Gardener and Nichols, Valiente and dear Iolo Morgannwg. In fact JRR Tolkien, Ursula K. LeGuin, Michael Moorcock and the baby boomers of '68 have more claim to have laid these foundations.

It arose out of the romanticism of the flower power generation, the over indulgence of eastern mysticism and narcotics, Prog-Rock, the second 'Celtic' Rennaissance and the rise of fantasy fiction. This is why the whole pagan fringe is overwhelmed with dreamcatchers, crystals, 'sufi' mystics, ashrams, silk tie die, incense and other tosh.

To counter this in the last decade of the old century and through the first decade of this we have seen the rise of any number of celtic reconstructionist groupings. Although mostly well meaning, the very fact that they called themselves 'celtic' gave the lie to the depth of their actual scholarship. Many were, and still are, little more than the spiritual equivalent of the Society for Creative Anachronism and Renaissance Fairs [Google them lazybones].

Again this is romanticism and a nostalgia for times and events that never were. If you wanted proof just Google 'grail', 'merllyn' and 'glastonbury' and see how many hits you get that lead to blogs, websites and societies who claim to believe, or have special knowledge of, these medieval and mostly christian tales. These are the same people who, when younger, couldn't see the contradictions between the four gospels.

What was once called New Age is becoming more and blurred with modern paganism, especially witchcraft, Wicca and druidry. Helped, in no small part, by the media interest in 'magic', and the growth of self-publishing and the access granted to the public in popular book stores and the internet.

Now this isn't entirely a bad thing. There are a lot of people out there who have a sincere interest in finding something with more depth, cultural relevance and personal involvement than the mainstream religions. Unfortunately they are presented with an utterly confused mess. A true free market in every sense of the word. There are also a horde of frauds and fruitcakes who'll happily take the seeker's money and attention.

This really is the shallow end of the pagan spiritual pool, and many seekers are quickly turned off by the experience. Further out in the pool are a few groupings who are arrogant enough to believe they are somehow superior. Some welcome newcomers, in return for their involvement (and cash) in courses, retreats, groves, covens etc. Others are harshly exclusivist in their attitude.

Few actually think through their approach to the seekers, or worry about the health and future of paganism in Northern Europe. And this concerns me as this is our moment, our chance to make this work. The mainstream monotheist religions sufered serious setbacks in the 20th century. Political secularism triumphed in most European countries. However, the monotheists have regrouped, and are beginning to fight back. Using their unified doctrines, huge popular power bases and massive wealth to attempt to restart the spirit of evangelism and jihad in Western culture.

If they succeed modern paganism will be driven back into the wilderness. It has already begun with the major pagan groupings failing to get recognition as religions in Britain, where there are increasingly draconian social rules that will only benefit the monotheists. There is even serious talk in the political classes about reintroducing monotheist doctrine into the law, to give it a 'moral centre'.

Remember this folks and keep it holy: Monotheists are only tolerant when they are not in power.

And what do the pagans do? Well, basically, they ignore it all. They are all away with the faeries, clogging up the chat rooms and message boards with endless navel gazing, petty schisms and 'flame wars'. The romanticism I spoke of earlier is rampant. In fact I can say, hand on heart, that I only know a dozen real pagans in Britain, and only a couple further abroad.

And here's the heresy folks - Paganism is not just a spiritual commitment, it is a sociopolitical one. The gods we revere and the landscapes we love need a completely different social and political attitude if they are to flourish. This means pagans taking a hand in politics, fighting to create real alternatives to the consumerist and free market politics that have led the world to the edge of the precipice.

If we decide to spend the next decade looking for Arthur and faeries then that's all folks. We either get serious or get lost. Oblivion beckons...