h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Guess what? Summer is here and once again it's time to address the fact that most piano players have to face in the summer. You know that cheap piano bench you bought with the cheesy plastic seat, well you're about to regret that decision. All summer long, never fail, your less attractive end (or more attractive depending on what your face looks like) will become melted and thoroughly stuck tight to that cheap plastic bench. SO THE JOKE'S ON YOU CHEAPSKATE!!!

(I happen to be a Cheapskate, Class A, ranking 3rd out of the 1,987,446,342 members of The Cheapskates of the Milky Way.)

By the way, while I'm on the subject, you'll find that less and less your humidifier for that large chunk of wood and plastic that probably is ten years out of tune will need filling. This is due to the fact that the little man that has extrememly absorbant skin and sucks dry your piano starts to sweat, reversing the process to the point that you may need a sump pump for that noise-maker of yours.

But seriously, never go to the point of ripping off your own skin to dislodge from the bench. Winter is only 6 months away!

HIOOOOOO!
I'm bored so here's a but-in haiku:

Dog turd, falling down,
To the unforgiving earth,
Only wishes stink.