h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am currently making a desktop theme of sixth graders, those dastardly little fiends. Unfortunately, I wanted to use an HTML document called "sixth graders.html" for the background image. That's not the problem. The problem is this: the problem is this: the problem is this: the problem is this: the problem is this... the problem is this: I wanted to make a simulator that I had written for my calculator, but I don't know Java. Like any total loser who doesn't know Java, I tried to write it in JavaScript. Too many vague error messages! It was written in TI (83 plus) BASIC, so converting to a language based almost entirely on BASIC should be a snap, right? WRONG! I might just give up and use a bitmap. >8^B