h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It seems, especially now that I've started writing in my journal again, that I'm obsessing just a bit over him and what there was, what isn't there anymore. But for almost three months I'd avoided the topic. I think now I'm finally ready to talk, to exorcise the demons as it were. My previous journal entry was the turning point, I think. I was crying as I wrote it, bawling my eyes out for the first time since I found out the whole truth about everything.

I felt drained, tired, in pain. But freer. I didn't really realise it then, but over the course of the last couple of days I've started to realise it more. The turning point came last night whilst watching a movie. There's a song in the movie that in a way was 'our' song. Such as it is. I knew just hearing it, even in the context of the film, would make me cry. And it did. But not for long. I couldn't find the energy to weep, I couldn't find the NEED to. I dreamt of him last night, and although melancholy, it didn't ache nearly as much as it had been in the last few weeks.

I think I'm healing.

But how DO you exorcise someone from your life? Do you retreat, eschew the places and things and sounds and smells and memories that you enjoyed together? Or do you head out on your life, perhaps avoiding places that you KNOW they'll be, but not letting the memory of them ruin things that once you enjoyed for enjoyment's sake? I'm not sure myself. It was a long distance relationship, so avoiding places and activities is easy, I can do it and not lose my life.

I just go on with my life, even though at times I feel my throat tightening and the tears welling.

I get angry sometimes, and at others frustrated and sad. But I don't feel like I'm mourning anymore. I can talk about it. I can get it out.

I can exorcise him from my life.

Begone.

Well .... so far, dear everything is normal - and that's good.

The fact that your feelings are coming out is great - and you are coming to terms with those feelings - and the anger and frustration are terrific signs.

Here are a couple of cliches - ot truisms if you like that may help - think about them

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger

Living well is the best revenge

Believe me - you are healing

bloody hell. I thought you said excercise

- Linus it's good to see that someone else (besides me) can't even SPELL exsersise .... er ....excercise ..... er oh - who cares about pointless exertion anyway

You know, I'm trying to ANGST here and you're all making jokes and being funny and things like that. Stop it!

Angst away "Sweet Pea" - don't mind us - as long as it doesn't take any energy or movement we'll help ....

*reclines with and begins to seriously angst*

I was in a relationship with a girl who I had been best friends with for six years. When the relationship went sour and we weren't talking anymore, I found myself with no one to talk to about it. It's been over two years since the breakup, and I still miss her. The feeling never quite goes away; or if it does, it takes longer than two years.

I'm glad in a way that whilst we were best friends, he wasn't my /best/ friend, if that makes sense...So I can still angst about it to my utterly closest friends. I just feel uncomfortable talking about it a lot of the time. I'm an insanely private person when it comes down to it, and my family don't do the 'talking' thing, so when things go south I don't really know how to cope properly...

I'm resigned to the fact that the feelings are going to be around for a long time, but I'm not willing to spend my time mourning him. He was an ass, and looking back on things (things are always clearer in retrospect) he really was too young for me, despite being the same age, and it's probably a better thing that he's gone.

Commiserations on your break-up. Know how it feels...

'But how DO you exorcise someone from your life? '

Tell you what, if you find out, tell me will you...

Leave you with some seasonally appropriate lyrics:

'thanks for the christmas card
i don't want to hear about your new job now
i don't want to hear about your new boyfriend
i don't want to hear about it all working out for you
no, i don't want to hear it now

i don't want to hear about your swinging new place
i don't want to hear how everyone thinks it's great
i just want to sit in our apartment and hate you
yes, i will be hating you for christmas'

As for 'You know, I'm trying to ANGST here and you're all making jokes and being funny and things like that. Stop it' People do that to me all the time. Well usually just Saturnine, everyone else has given up reading my journal cos its too depressing!!!

But enjoy Christmas, and no matter what the song says, try not to hate him at Christmas. Im trying not to hate her....