h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

May 5th was apparently my last journal entry. I haven't gone back to look at any that aren't on my immediate page. I'm considering deleting them all without looking. I just don't want to see HIS name there. Or references to him. It all still hurts so much.

It's been two, nearly three months. This is the first time I'll have written anything about it in this whole time. I thought I was over it, but sitting here now I can feel the tears welling. They're rolling down my cheeks. They're hot. I hate them but I can't stop them. He was my life, he meant everything to me. He lied to me. He broke my heart.

I've pretended now for ten, maybe twelve weeks, that I was coping. But I'm not. I'm torn up inside. I just can't let myself cry. I can't lose that control. But I am. I've got no one here. My only friend, my housemate, has gone on vacation for a month. I'm alone. With my thoughts. Traitorous mind. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help it. So much of my life involved HIM, when he left, it tore a hole that's still raw and hurting. It's like a graze on your leg. It stings, but you touch it. I won't say it'll never heal, because it will heal somewhat in time. Until it heals I'm just at a loss.

I don't like crying, it makes my head hurt. But I can't stop.

I feel like I've got nowhere to turn. My friends are trying to support me, and they've done a wonderful job, but I just...It's so hard to explain. I don't want to open up to them because I don't want them to see how much I'm hurting, how much damage has been done. I need someone to hold me and comfort me and tell me it will all get better, but I don't know where to find them.

It's supposed to be that a girl's best friend is her mother. That's who she's ultimately supposed to be able to run to when she's had her heart broken. Or her Daddy. Her daddy's supposed to be able to protect her and make her feel safe. My daddy doesn't care. My daddy isn't here. My daddy has a new life with his new wife. It'd be so much more convenient if he didn't have children from his previous marriage. Though it's not that mum doesn't care. It's that we never had that kind of relationship. We never will. I can't open up to her. I don't trust her.

I don't know anything any more. I'm at a loss. A loss for what. A loss for anything.

I feel so helpless. My entire world has been shattered, and I don't know how to put the pieces back together.

I need someone to help me, but I don't know how to ask.

oh!!

It should go without saying - but we are all here for you



If you need to talk, email me at [email protected] and I'll send you my phone number

You can't let it get to you!!!

Thanks Feisor

I know you're all here for me, and it does a lot of good to know it, things just got on top of me earlier today. I'm a lot better now, though. I'll keep your offer in mind though, in case I do get that way again.

It just sounded so UNLIKE you that I was worried - are you sure that you are ok???

I can't say I'm entirely peachy keen, but I'm as okay as I can be expected to be. I just got a bit fed up with it all yesterday.

It's to be expected that you have moments like that - the main thing is that they're only moments Good on you for picking yourself up - don't let the get to you !!!

Yep, back to my usual self

Now, if someone can suggest a decent place to find a nice English boy (I'm over Americans and Canadians and don't seem to have much luck with Aussie boys ), I'll be quite happy, at least for a little while.

BIG

It's nice to feel

Look out!! 's back on the prowl

Just remember that just besause you like cakes you don't have to buy the bakery - you may end up with crumbs in your bed