h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... somewhere else, I was thinking on my journal lately. I posted that I don't tend to write much in it now I know that it automatically pops up in others' conversation lists. It almost feels like posting one is shouting for attention, even though I enjoy reading other peoples and don't see theirs as doing the same. Silly double standards there.

In summary, I should write what I like, when I like. Unfortunately, that means this post is going to be rather an outpouring.

~~~

My head is exploding. I'm trying to juggle too much, but I don't want to stop juggling any of it.

I'm worried about my family. We are all going through periods of stress at the moment for some reason.
My brother has finally got to the end of his clinic hours (having graduated last year) and having to now find work.
My parents have sold their house but can't find one to buy where they want to live so will be living in a caravan while they wait for something to come up. The caravan part is OK but it's the uncertainty that's getting to them.
My dad has had his knee replaced and it isn't healing as well as they expected.
Stress has given my mum tinnitus, which is causing her to almost not be able to cope.
Her dad passed away late last year, leaving my nanny on her own. While she's a very capable, strong woman it doesn't mean I don't worry about her.
My grandmother on the other side is having tremendous back problems and will likely have to be in for on operation in the coming months, and is struggling against the NHS to the point they may have to go private.

Work is tiring me out. It shouldn't. I have one of the most relaxed, flexible, supportive jobs that exist, at the top end of the salary expected for this type of work. My boss thinks I'm doing a good job, we're given the freedom to plan our own workloads, very supportive collegues - but I'm burning out. I'm not really working any more. I can't focus on the tasks I'm supposed to be doing. I'm grabbing any opportunity to do admin or planning, even tidying the office, anything to not have to work (or writing this journal entry, perhaps?).
It's partly that I don't feel I'm doing a good job. I speak to so many people that I can't help, or that I'm not allowed to help. I spend my time giving advice about a job market that is essentially f*cked. In my heart of hearts I know that unless they could find a job themselves before they came in, all the advice in the world won't matter a jot when they go out with a criminal record (although I'll keep trying).
It's partly that I have no future here, but I draw a blank on what else I would want to do. I'm good at pretty much anything, but I need change and progression and this job doesn't have that. This is it, and the thought of that makes me want to get out now while I still can.
I also worry that I'll never find a job where I don't burn out, and I don't know how to address that.

I also try to plan my future too much. We're buying a new house, partly to make sure that when we have kids we'll have a house where we want to bring them up (our house is fine for us but as we have the opportunity to move somewhere better we're taking it). I keep on worrying that we're leaving it too late to have kids, and then worrying about my career if we do have them. I then worry that I want to have kids simply to have an excuse to leave work. There's no need for any of this worry. Can I change any of it? No. So *stop* *worrying*.

I'm moving house. According to the surveyor we have a damp problem. No, we have damp, it's not a problem. It's the way the house was built in the 1930s. Damp is critical to the way water moves through the basement and groundfloor.
Thankfully it looks like the worst case scenario is that we have to drop the asking price by a thousand pounds or so, which we can do by not putting up new curtains/decor or buying wardrobes for a couple of months. Still, we don't want to lose our buyer as then we would lose out on our current house, which is an incredibly lucky find. The solicitors are ready to exchange, it's just a matter of sorting this out. But they could still pull out now.

Finally, h2g2c3. I want to dedicate my time to this, but I'm finding it so hard to fit in my life. Add to that we're trying to work across time zones and with such limited time because we still have our lives, it's a struggle. If only we could just stop real life for a few weeks and we all get together and bash through it all properly we could have a company ready to go if it was needed, rather than trying to pull it together in what little spare time we have. But we don't. And there's no way of making this any better. *sigh*

So, yeah. My head is exploding. Thank heavens for the sunshine. Had this happened a couple of months ago I think the general dreariness would have been too much.

And, for some reason, my office smells really strongly of soap.

Poor you.

In my experience burnout is just a phase that you go through and come out the other side of. It doesn't mean the end of that career at all it's just a perfectly normal part of self doubt and being a more reflective professional. I don't think it's a proper job unless you've cried in a cupboard once or twice. When you go back after you cried in a cupboard you feel awful, but you come through it, and it's just a part of life.

Could you try and get some feedback from you ex-clients?

No, we're not supposed to have contact with them. It could be seen as forming an inappropriate relationship with them. To be avoided.

If I could look and see where I could go, what I could aspire to, it helps. But right now, I'm at the top of my job prospects. This is it. And that sucks.

Poor Vip! you've got far too much on your plate at once I once read that moving house is one of the biggest stressors in life, just short of divorce and bereavement. So + +

That's a lot going on at once. You'll get through it!

TRiG.

Thanks, guys. *group *

I will get through it. It's just a bit tough at the moment, and my pre-disposition towards being a miserable git rather means I take it worse than perhaps I should. Still, it does help to talk about it.

I'm on IM if you want to chat..

When there's so much going on at home and with your family, it's understandable that work becomes more of a chore than usual. Tough times take their toll, but I'm sure you'll get through it.
MC

Hopefully in a few weeks so much will be sorted out - my parents will have bought their caravan, we'll have exchanged contracts *crosses fingers*, h2g2c2 will be making headway and all of a sudden work will seem more exciting.

A shame it's crunch time for everywhere all at once.

Just got back from a really fun choir practice though. Bach's Passion, which is essentially opera (but I like it). Dramatic, and noisy, and passionate and exquisite at vrious points. We even get close to some of those emotions when we all actually concentrate.